Some Old Musings

Ha ha ha, am not in the mood to write so I will post my "old" as in very old musings. Here goes:

(Untitled) written 2000

I am a dreamer...I dream of great places, of great love I am a romantic...I love to fall in loveI love walking under the moon holding hands with the one I love... or star gazing... or falling asleep on his chest... or waking up each morning with his eyes looking lovingly at meI would love to spend every minute of my life with that dream guy... to spend each day knowing him better and loving him for who and what he is... of sharing the small things that make life worth living... of building a life togetherI am a dreamer, but I know somehow, in a not so distant future... the one person that will find me, and I'll find him... we will be happy, for eternity and beyond.We will share the passion of paradise... and sleep in each other's arms in the blessing of heaven... for life and beyond...

Finding Mr. Right
October 5, 2003

as published in Image Magazine - February 2004

Is it right to find Mr. Right? But actually, the real question is, is there a Mr. Right, not just for me but for everyone? If there is, then, it is not pointless to look and find him. And since my original question is, is it right to find Mr. Right, I am assuming that there exist a Mr. Right for me. Or should I make one perhaps? Or be one?

Since I was aware that I am different from everyone else, that happiness is not only self-derived, I have been longing for someone to be my special someone. Maybe it was culture or social conditioning, but the point is – we look for other people for validation and confirmation. I wouldn’t want to be a hypocrite and say that I don’t look for other people for love. Yes, it is the greatest love of all, learning to love one’s self but deep in my heart, it is greater to love and be loved by someone else. Since I came to this conclusion, I realized that longing for that somebody else hurts. It hurts to feel the emptiness of your heart that no matter what I do, I could not just fill it up. It pains to realize that after all the search, after one relationship after another; there is still the void of emptiness. Each relationship brings new insights and the realization that I haven’t met the one; the someone that would make my life different.

The one, Mr. Right. How could I find the Mr. Right of my life? I have tried going out for dates, meeting new people. I have been used, abused, manipulated and terribly hurt, only because I thought that if I only give-in, I will have Mr. Right. Talk about being desperate huh! But still I haven’t met him. Some may argue that to meet Mr. Right, one has to be one. One has to be the right person too. And I believe I am. I am caring, passionate, romantic and giving. I am sincere, thoughtful and sensitive. I appreciate life, I love fun. I am a good conversationalist, understanding, and smart. I am simple, and yet complicated. I am not a high-maintenance person. I admit, I am not perfect, but who is? I am not looking for Mr. Perfect; I am looking for Mr. Right.

Mr. Right for me is someone who, unabashedly, will sing me a song or recite to me a poem he had written. He isn’t necessarily good looking but pleasantly clean and neat. He is confident, and supportive, understanding and romantic. He is adventurous, encouraging me to try new things and discover new activities. Sometimes, he is quiet, preferring a night on the bed, talking. Or holding hands at the movies. He would enjoy going to the beach once in a while and with me, wait for the sun to set, the moon and stars to come out, sleep on the sand with the waves of the sea lulling us to sleep only to be awakened by the sunrise. Or an evening where he will cook pasta and set the table with candles and have dessert while listening to Josh Groban’s version of “Broken Vow.”

We could have the same taste in music, food, books; or not. He can be very complicated, and I would cherish every moment in my life I’m sharing with him understanding his complexity. He could be simple and I would enjoy every moment of simple life, as long as it’s with him. I’ll share with him every thought, dreams and aspirations I have.

He could be of my age, or older. He could be all of the above… or not, again, I’m not looking for Mr. Perfect, just the one, someone who would feel right to me.

The task of finding Mr. Right may be fruitless, but at least no one can accuse me of not having tried at all. I may be getting older, but definitely, I am getting wiser. If three years from now, Mr. Right haven’t come along yet, I wouldn’t give up but I will go on with my life. The important thing is, aside from Mr. Right who hasn’t come yet, there’s another one who loves me as I am. Me.