Change

I have always been an advocate of change, but when change came into my life, I realized that I can't handle it. Emotionally, I cannot prepare myself to face it.

What hurts me most is that when you realized who really are the people that you can trust and who is just there using you.

I am happy that in this period of change, Ddy is there. Although he will be the first one who will be affected by my decisions, I know he will respect and accept my decisions.

No FB 'til Christmas, Duplicity and All that Stuff

I hope this blogpost gets posted on my FB account, nevertheless, I'll still write this...

I have been neglecting my blog since November. Probably because I was so busy with work, my family and my new partner in life.

Geez, Doc has been so kind. Of course we have our ups and downs, twice we already had a fight but of course we made up.

There has been so many changes and challenges at work.

Change is good. Change is for the better. However, not all is receptive to change especially if they don't understand or intentionally don't want to understand.

Each individual has his or her own personality. Some can be open minded to change, others are narrow-minded and resist change, while others are two-faced.

Let's talk about Duplicity.

A friend in the office told me that I should never show I'm affected. I cannot not show. My sense of social responsibility is so high, it disappoints and hurts me when things go bad. Heck, I was born under the sigh of Libra, ruled by the planet Venus, the Roman goddess of beauty and love. I am most happy if there is harmony everywhere and it gives me a heavy heart if there is not.

But I want to talk about duplicity.

Like I said before, I am just a mirror. I just show you or treat you the way you wanted to be treated. But overall, I am overall nice. I do not make "taray" or "suplado" and I believe I am as supportive as I can be to the point that I blindly give my support.

My bad.

Not everyone who smiles or show they are nice to me are indeed nice. Not all that say's "hi" are sincere.

I am human. That hurts me.

I am as approachable as you can get but this, me being nice and kind is being abused.

So let's talk about karma. As good as I believe I am, I do not wish bad karma to happen to people who abuse my kindness. That's how kind I am ha ha.

Recently, I am quite surprised and amazed with the rumors flying around. I am not used to being the center of gossip. Golly, why me?

I try to be as low-key as possible.

To avoid these nasty gossips, ASK ME. I will tell you the real deal.

He he he, I am rambling but I hope I got to touch the issues plaguing me and got it off my chest.

Hmmmm, last song syndrome from a K-Pop song "I don't care...e e e e" or something like that.

I DON'T CARE ha ha ha... I really find it funny, these speculations. Speculate all you want, those are just speculations ha ha ha.

Oooooooh, it's 17 (or 16) days before Christmas....

I go out of the house to go to school at 5AM. The air is cold. The sky is still twinkling with stars. Sarap matulog!!!!!

When AGE defined MATURITY

When AGE defined MATURITY

Not all people mature when they age. I personally would like to believe that I am still young. I proudly wear my age – I’m 33 years old, and yes, I do not feel my age.
There are certain aspects in my life that makes me believe that maturity is a matter of perspective.

I may be “young” in the way that I feel (I don’t feel old) but as the years go by, I feel my age as responsibilities are expected on me.

Also, the way other people treat me gives me an indication as to how mature I should act and react.

At home, I am second to the youngest among six siblings. I cling to the illusion that I am the “bunso” whatever perks that it may have.

Commercial break – sarapo ng Chowking Halo Halo ha ha ha

Wala na, I can’t go back na to my thoughts ha ha ha
Eto na lng, my professional growth, gusto ko lang idocument kung nag-grow ba ako professionally:

Senior Ad and PR at Triple-V (Kamayan, Dads, Saisaki, 8 Treasures, Islands Fisherman, Triple-V Express)

Marketing Specialist at the Institute of Maternal and Child Health (NGO)
Assistant Marketing Manager at Quick Stomach

Managing Editor at Design and Architecture Magazine

Editorial Consultant at Teenfad.ph (NGO)

Creative Assistant for PR at Star Cinema

Film Merchandising Assistant at Star Cinema

PR & Creative Officer at Projectionals

Owner – Events Solutions

Owner – Greencab Pizza (Antipolo and Marikina Branches)

Marketing Communications Manager at R2 Holdings (Vivere Salon etc.)

Faculty at Philippine College of Criminology (PCCr)

Marketing Consultant at PCCR

Head of Student Affairs Office concurrent as Head of Marketing & Communications Unit at PCCR (present)

So, up and down pala yung growth ko – kung sa title titingnan ha, saka yung 2 businesses na owned ko, hayz, nabaon naman ako sa utang kaya thankful pa rin ako at may stable job pa rin ako.

TBC

Choices

Sometimes, it is so hard to choose, that we let time slip away and make the choice for us. Not making a choice is still a choice.

We don't have a give of foresight, which is probably good because if we do are able to see our future, and correct our present course of action, wouldn't that negate the future? So the paradox would be, did our foresight true or just wild imaginings? We cannot verify and the bottomline is, life then would become boring.

If we are to act in a pre-ordained set of patterns, what's the point of living?

I guess, no, I believe for that matter, that free will makes us human.

What makes us humane is choosing that free will for the good.

I admit, I was pretty selfish in the past, I only think about myself or only help those that can give me satisfaction in return.

Quite true, that you can only be mature with experience. Looking back to who I was ten years ago, I could just cringe.

Party, gimmicks, late-night dates, drinking but no drugs or smoking, promiscuity etc.

Not only that, my self-confidence in my career is probably the worst.

I was afraid of my bosses, I was always afraid that they wouldn't like my work, I was afraid of getting fired, I was afraid of coming in late, I was afraid of going home on time, I was afraid of so many things.

Time and experience do bring about the confidence in me...

Although I admit that where I am now is a consequence of all my decisions, I am quite surprised to see where it has taken me so far...

TBC

The Merry Month of May

May has always been the busiest month for me. Just recently, I just finished directing Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall's Search for Little Stars (Semis) and Search for Mrs. Sta. Lucia.

So I was stressed for the past week, what with the direction, choreography, dancers, contestants, budget (!!!!!) and at the same time account management for corporate accounts.

Geeeeez, last Saturday during Little Stars, I'm freaking. I have a fever. As soon as I got home, I fell into an exhaustive sleep only to wake up earloy for another event (Mother's Day!).

I have three Mother's Day event at three malls. Geeesh. Sa pagmamadali ko, naiwan ko pa cellphone ko (is it a sign na bumili na ako ng new phone????).

The whole morning during the dry run (galing ng mga mommy, sumayaw for the opening number, mas magaling ako, napasayaw ko sila he he he) panic mode ako kasi syempre clients are calling my cellphone eh di ko naman dala. Naihabol din naman kaya wala namang sumablay sa mga events.

I was so tired but fulfilled. My clients are satisfied and happy. I will be happy as soon as I collected he he he.

Another event to prepare for, the Grand Finals of Little Stars so I will relax this week for a little bit and regain my equilibrium.

Come June, Father's Day events. Ooooh, I am so happy to be busy.

Another Successful Event

I am just glad that another successful event has been mounted and this time, I have sponsors even though I didn't make too much marketing effort as I am adjusting to my life as a prof and consultant.

Just wrapped up the two day Youth and Open Scrabble Tournament at Ever Ortigas. Thanks to Chick N Tasty, Gargol, and of course Ever Gotesco Malls.

My business partner asked me why marketing commission is just 10%, told him, it's not my event, I just help out in marketing (which I didn't do very agressive... which come to think of it, if I was agressive, maybe I could have gotten more... anyway, moving on). Actually, what will be or was solicited will go to NASCAP, the non-profit organization for scrabble players to fund the send-off of the Philippine team to the World Youth Scrabble Tournament - see, so how could I get a commission from that?

You will be surprise that the Philippine's hope in scrabble is just a small boy. Somewhere in inquier.net there's a link there...

Anyway, I like the event, I like the hotdogs he he he. I don't have the pics with me (make sure to have it as I am going to do an event report!)

Lapit na pasko... hu hu hu, di ko maramdaman kc ang dami pang bayarin.I am so obsessed na naman with buying a new cp but I know that after I bought it, ayaw ko na... Bili ko na lng ng PSP pamangkin ko. Well, aabonohan ko lng pala kc hati kami n i Arlene he he he.

Oo nga pala, Lunes na naman bukas, sleep na nga me muna...

Uy, nanalo si Pacquio. La lang, gusto ko lang isingit he he he

New Client and Reality Bites

Tired but happy. New cient!!!! Yooohooo!

On a heavier note, my neighbor committed suicide yesterday.

I think he was already on the brink of death with drugs and all, but he left behind a kid. So sad. I used to play with him when we were small but knowing how different I am with my other playmates, I drifted apart from them so I can't say that I am friends with him, I was until Grade 2 but after that, nope. So do I feel sad for him? No. He made his choice and it was his choice. I feel sad for his kid who is only 4 years old.

Life goes on. Unlike him, I wouldn't let my parents go through that. Even if sometime I want to give up, I would never ever contemplate that. I just think that a month from now, this (the problem or concern at that time) will pass.

I love my life. I love my family. I love myself.

My head aches

I feel so tired and irritable today. I wonder what am I setting myself up.

Now that I can cross teaching among my list of Life Goals (which, in the first place makes me doubt myself as to WHY of all the goals in life I added that... f**k its soooooooo f**king hard to teach!!!! My voice is going hoarse from talking nonstop for four hours!)

The only goals left are pay up my debts and go somewhere abroad.

That's the power of vision.

I have always been a believer of having a vision. I know in a couple of years time, those other two goals will be fulfilled.

F**K talaga, ang sakit ng ulo ko!!!!

Getting Busy

Whew!

From the time I resigned from my work in Makati (last September 26) til today, I have been so swamped with work.

Guess I really don;t need a corporate job to be fulfilled. Rather not stay in a thankless job with big-egoed bosses.

Short recap - directed one of Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall's biggest event of the year - Star Gays. Have arranged minimum of two events a week for my other client, have hosted Ever Gotesco Mall's Videokarir every Sunday - really quite fun and...

This Monday, I will start teaching English 2 - English Composition in college.

Come November 22, I will direct again Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall's Annual Christmas Fashion Show (yaiks! tomorrow I have to submit the backdrop design!!!!).

Other clients - mmmm, I have to draft a marketing proposal for another school as to how we can market their high school and college programs...

Whew...

Hope I won't get so swamped.

I am thinking of writing my novel online...

Choices

I don't know what to feel, I am numb.

I feel the world crushing on my shoulders.

I am lost.

He he he. Emote lang. Ako pa.

My life is a very good life.

Nachachallenge nga ako eh.

Eto na naman, tatalon na naman ako sa basngin.

Pero this time, may parachute na ako.

Sabagay, masarap lumipad.

Masarap maging malaya.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

Challenges in Life

In just a month and a week from now, I'm turning 32. Ten years ago, looking back when I was 22, I was very naive. I just started working, I was just a fresh grad.

That was ten years ago.

Lots had happened to changed me. Did I evolved?

Embarrassingly it is to say, I still do not know what I really wanted, but I decided that knowing what I do not want is the right direction to take.

Take for instance my job.

It IS a job - not a career, not something I look forward to doing. So yesterday, I filed my resignation effective a month from now. Regrets? None.

Of course my mother is against it. It is a nice paying job, and admittedly, because of it, I was able to pay-off two of my seven credit cards. The remaining five I have to pay installment for another year and a half.

But I am not making a mark, I am not stepping up. My official job title is Marketing Communications Manager, but I feel like I'm a run of the mill rank and file employee. I do not have a staff to manage, so the manager part of the title is a lie. I am a one man team. I do the creatives,. I do the planning, I do the execution, I do the implementation. Admittedly, I wasn't able to show what I can really do. I do not have a team to help me.

Is resigning, am I prepared?

Yes.

I will be managing once again my small Events company. I am happy calling my shots. Seeing and doing my events.

And I want to teach.

And continue my MA studies.

And write a novel.

And take care of my birth certificate so I can get a passport, and leave the country, either for pleasure or work.

And exercise.

And do things I can do like go to the mall in the middle of the day, on weekdays!

All these, I want to start doing on the day I reach 32.

Giving Up on Love

Well, not really on love but on my crush.

I only saw him last Monday, and for the past three days, I have not seen him. I resolved to ask his name the next time but I guess we are not fated to get to know each other.

I will just accept the fact that I can only admire him from a far... it's more exciting not knowing his name, there will always be the mystery.

I think that's me.

If I get to know his name, the excitement will be gone.

Just like in sex. I am more excited in the anticipation of getting laid, but once I am in the act of doing it, I am not really satisfied and would want to get it over and done with.

The same with my obsession with cell phones. I blogged that I am obsessed with Nokia E51 but after a month, I sold it coz I am not happy once I had it. The same with Nokia N70. When I can't afford expensive cellphones in the past, I pine for it. When I finally bought N70 (which is quite pricey in 2006), I am not satisfied. Now, I'm back with a much simpler phone, My Phone T22 because it's dual sim. It serves me well, but after having it for a week, I want a new one. Oh well.

Just like with work. Technically, I have no problem with my job. Imagine, I am a legitimate marketing communication manager. Legitimate in the sense that before, I can choose my title as we are not that formal in my previous work. When I was being poached and recruited, I prayed to get the job and the salary I asked for. I did.

I am thankful for the job as it pays for my credit card loans. But again, I am dissatisfied.

Maybe it is my nature. I can never settle.

So what to do?

I will be turning 32 come October 4, I'm still loss.

Getting What I Want

Yes, I recently purchased my Nokia E51. Obsession done. Am I happy? Nope. Stupid noh? I wanted something else... but now I cant afford it. I tried selling my N70, but in the end, I can't. It's the most expensive mobile phone I bought and even if it hangs now and then, I would keep it ... just for JM to play with. His gameboy is busted. Oh well.


What else is new? Nothing. I need someone to help me with my "on the side" work. I can't pay much but I need it while I'm still working fulltime.

I guess events is really in my blood.

Panic Attack

There are times that I feel so overwhelmed with all the things that's happening in my life. Sometimes, I feel so blue... sometimes, stressed. Sometimes, I just like to give up.

What do I do?

Nothing.

I let it pass.

And sometimes, it seems to work.