10 Days to Go

10 days to go. I don't expect dramatic changes to happen, for most, October 4, a Tuesday is an ordinary day. People may go to school or work, while some may go through the day unnoticed, doing ordinary things they usually do. The world turns, another day, getting nearer to the Christmas season anticipated.

I’m turning 35, and yet, I do not feel my age. There are days when I feel older, what with my hypertension and diabetis, taking maintenance medicine, bones and joints aching especially in the morning when I can’t seem to get up… that is old age creeping up. Then there are days when I feel younger, especially with the immaturity I seem to possess.

So it’s my birthday ten days from now. I think it will be an ordinary day. I pray that it be so, that God continue His blessings, that my mother is still in good health, my siblings and their family safe. I have really nothing to ask from God except thank you. God has been good to us. If I have to recount the past 34 years, God has been kind to us. The mere fact that we never have to endure a day without food or shelter is a big deal already, the mere fact that we overcome the Ondoy tragedy is a big blessing already. My father might not be with us anymore, but I feel God called my father already to ease his suffering and enjoy eternal life free from pain. I miss my father.

We were never been close I admit, but upon reflection, my father and I had this unspoken bond. I don’t blame him. How can he handle having a gay son? A son with “Jr.” as suffix? But I am most grateful for his acceptance. My being gay has never been an issue or a concern. I am his son, gay or not, no buts no ifs. I so miss his simple words. He was the one who always call me during meal times. Whenever I came home from work, he always made sure that I get to eat. Those were our bonding moments, he always asked me if I have eaten already. During his last few days, I never regret that I get to spend more time taking care of him. On his last day, riding the ambulance with him, alone, that even though he had breathed his last, I know he can still hear me, you are the best father to me.

So as I celebrate my birthday ten days from now, I don’t expect for it to be extraordinary, rather, I thank God for every ordinary day He has given everyday. And October 4 may be another ordinary day, it’s all right.