Minsan lang ako magmahal... pero kapag nagmahal ako, mas mahal ko pa siya kaysa sa sarili ko. Tinanggap ko naman na magkaiba kami. Tinanggap ko rin siya ng buong puso. Minahal ko siya ng tapat.
Ako kaya, kailan nya ako mamahalin din ng tapat?
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
grrrrrr! my celfone was stolen!
i dunno how to react. it's as if my whole world was wiped clean and i have to start over. Its Nokia 3660 and its barely a month old. tsk tsk tsk. what can i do? blame my stupidity for putting down my clutch bag for a second? i lost my wallet, my IDs, my credit card and my celfone!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Birthday Blues
Geeeeeeesh, it has bgeen what, three weeks since my birthday, nuthin CHANGED!!!! Awww shit.
here's a story i wrote about my bf. course i fictionalized it but the emotions are real. read on...
CLOSURE
“Lynn! Wake up!”
Lynn stared at the concerned face of her best friend Erica uncomprehendingly. She had been crying for over an hour and Erica had been consoling her ever since she arrived at her house. Erica had been worried when she got a call from Lynn telling her to come over. Lynn had been sobbing and incoherent over the phone. When Erica arrived, Lynn just burst into tears. She was too distraught to talk and all she could do was cry.
“Is it Josh? Did he hurt you? What did he do to you?” Erica demanded. She checked Lynn’s face, arms and legs for bruises. “If I know Josh, he hurt you didn’t he?”
“No he didn’t. Josh would never hurt me physically,” stammered Lynn. “Yeah right, he wouldn’t hurt you physically but mentally and emotionally, he has been bruising you. How long could you take his abuse?” countered Erica.
“I love him… more than I love myself!” Lynn simply declared. “Stupid love! What has it brought you? Misery instead of happiness! You don’t even know yourself anymore!” shouted Erica.
“I was happy once…”
***
Lynn met Josh in an advertising agency. She was applying as a copywriter and Josh was already employed in the agency as a marketing executive. She didn’t actually like the agency. It was a very small company; the salary offered to her was way below from what she received from her last employment. She was ready to turn down the offer when Josh came in the room where she was being interviewed to get something. Their eyes met, and for the first time, Lynn experienced a jolt of electricity. Josh held Lynn’s eyes for seven seconds but for Lynn it was a lifetime. She knew that deep inside her heart, she is destined to be with this man.
The interviewer didn’t notice the exchange between the two but noticed Josh inside the room. Josh, being naturally friendly, came over and introduced himself. “Hi! I’m Joshua Martinez. I hope you’ll accept the job ‘coz we badly need a good writer!”
After chit-chatting for a while, Joshua left them to conclude their interview. Maybe it was Josh’s friendly approached that finally decided her to accept the job, maybe it was more.
***
“Were you really happy? Josh has been using you and you blindly allowed yourself to be used” continued Erica.
“He loves me” defended Lynn. “Yes, he loves you the same way he loves the other girls in his life. Can’t you get it through your head that Josh has been cheating on you from the beginning?”
“He made me happy…”
***
Lynn started her job at the agency as a copywriter. She interacts with the marketing executives to fulfill the creative requirements of their clients. She found herself relating with Josh more often compared to the other marketing executives. She don’t know if Josh constantly talked to her because of the job requirements of their clients but sometimes, she found herself talking with Josh about non-work related matters. Josh often took his lunch with Lynn, and sometimes, waited for Lynn before going home.
Lynn had never had a boyfriend her entire life. Despite her innate charm and beauty, she never entertained suitors when she was in college. She was very serious finishing her course that she graduated cum laude from the state university. Her parents thought that now that she finished college, she would allow herself to fall in love but Lynn was as workaholic as she was when she was studying. Suitors gave up on her until one by one; no one was patient enough to wait for her. For Lynn, it wasn’t really a great lost. She enjoyed her independence and was happy pursuing her career, until Josh came along.
***
“You’re an intelligent woman! How can you be so stupid when it comes to love?” continued Erica.
Lynn didn’t know how to answer her friend’s accusations. Was it because she truly loves Josh she could turn a blind eye to his foolishness? Or was it because she believes she’s giving herself a chance to experience being in a relationship?
***
A month working with Josh; Lynn felt different. She felt more alive than before. She looked forward to coming to the office and seeing Josh. She enjoyed having lunch and coffee breaks with him. Whenever Josh was out of the office for client calls, she missed him. On the other hand, Josh was showering her with attention different from their officemates. He constantly forwarded Lynn text messages every morning and never fails to call her up at night.
Lynn, unused to falling in love, found herself falling for Josh. They were working together two months already when Josh invited Lynn for dinner. Lynn thought it was just another friendly eat-out when Josh took her to a romantic restaurant in Intramuros. After dinner, they took a walk along the breakwaters of Roxas Blvd. when Josh suddenly asked Lynn what she felt for him. Speechless, Lynn was caught surprised with this sudden though unexpected question. Lynn was dreaming of this to happen for weeks and now that she was confronted with it, she didn’t know how to respond. For once, her being a writer failed her to put words in answer to Josh’s question.
Josh took Lynn’s hand and declared, “Lynn, you have been special to me. The first time I had laid eyes on you, I knew that we are destined to be together. Will you be my girl?” With stars in her eyes, Lynn said yes.
***
“He courted you but behind your back, he already has a girlfriend! He has been fooling you all along! How could you be so blind?” berated Erica.
Maybe because I was so lonely I wanted someone to love me, thought Lynn to herself. Maybe because I was really stupid I was blinded by his sweetness, his caring. Did he really love me?
***
Their first month as a couple was the happiest for Lynn. She was more inspired and it showed in her work. Her boss commended her with her progress in work, her family noticed her glow. She thought that theirs was a perfect relationship. She could have given everything to Josh for Josh made her happy. On their third month anniversary, she gave him the greatest gift she could give, her expression of love.
A few days after that very intimate night, Lynn noticed Josh slightly change. He forgot to call her at night and sometimes never sent her text messages. In the office, he was constantly out for client calls. Thinking that this was just normal, that Josh was just busy with work, Lynn never made an issue out of it.
One ordinary day, Lynn received a text message from Josh. It read: “Honey, I miss you so much, I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I love you.” Lynn knew the message is not for her. She was never “honey” to Josh. Josh called her “baby”, that’s what they call each other. They don’t have a date tomorrow, they have a date tonight.
Lynn felt her world fall apart. Finally, she began to understand Josh peculiar behavior. Why he never invited her to his house, why he never introduced her to his friends. Why sometimes, when she asked him about the person constantly calling his cellular phone, he ignored her and changed the topic immediately.
She confronted him that very night but he denied it. Josh said that the message was intentionally sent to her just to see how she would react. Maybe because Lynn loved him so much, she believed. After that incident, Josh was extra sweet and caring with her.
On Valentine’s eve, Lynn received two text messages from Josh. The messages were identical except for the first words of each message. In the first message, it was “Baby, I am happy to have you this Valentine’s Day.” On the second message, it read “Honey, I am happy to have you this Valentine’s Day.”
Lynn didn’t know how to react to this anymore. She just felt tired, emotionally empty. She found herself dialing the phone and asking her best friend Erica to come to her house.
***
“Lynn! Wake up from this foolishness! You have to love yourself more than you love Josh. He has been fooling you from the beginning! Wake up!” Erica begged her friend.
“I really love Josh and it’s hard to let him go. I gave him my life, I gave him everything. But you are right. I have to let him go. I don’t want to, but I have to…I have to move on. Tomorrow may be difficult; I have to learn to love myself. I will have to hold on to the hope that life will be beautiful for me. I have to let go of the anger and bitterness this experience has brought me. I have to love myself, for my sake, and for the sake of my unborn baby” Lynn finally resolved.
here's a story i wrote about my bf. course i fictionalized it but the emotions are real. read on...
CLOSURE
“Lynn! Wake up!”
Lynn stared at the concerned face of her best friend Erica uncomprehendingly. She had been crying for over an hour and Erica had been consoling her ever since she arrived at her house. Erica had been worried when she got a call from Lynn telling her to come over. Lynn had been sobbing and incoherent over the phone. When Erica arrived, Lynn just burst into tears. She was too distraught to talk and all she could do was cry.
“Is it Josh? Did he hurt you? What did he do to you?” Erica demanded. She checked Lynn’s face, arms and legs for bruises. “If I know Josh, he hurt you didn’t he?”
“No he didn’t. Josh would never hurt me physically,” stammered Lynn. “Yeah right, he wouldn’t hurt you physically but mentally and emotionally, he has been bruising you. How long could you take his abuse?” countered Erica.
“I love him… more than I love myself!” Lynn simply declared. “Stupid love! What has it brought you? Misery instead of happiness! You don’t even know yourself anymore!” shouted Erica.
“I was happy once…”
***
Lynn met Josh in an advertising agency. She was applying as a copywriter and Josh was already employed in the agency as a marketing executive. She didn’t actually like the agency. It was a very small company; the salary offered to her was way below from what she received from her last employment. She was ready to turn down the offer when Josh came in the room where she was being interviewed to get something. Their eyes met, and for the first time, Lynn experienced a jolt of electricity. Josh held Lynn’s eyes for seven seconds but for Lynn it was a lifetime. She knew that deep inside her heart, she is destined to be with this man.
The interviewer didn’t notice the exchange between the two but noticed Josh inside the room. Josh, being naturally friendly, came over and introduced himself. “Hi! I’m Joshua Martinez. I hope you’ll accept the job ‘coz we badly need a good writer!”
After chit-chatting for a while, Joshua left them to conclude their interview. Maybe it was Josh’s friendly approached that finally decided her to accept the job, maybe it was more.
***
“Were you really happy? Josh has been using you and you blindly allowed yourself to be used” continued Erica.
“He loves me” defended Lynn. “Yes, he loves you the same way he loves the other girls in his life. Can’t you get it through your head that Josh has been cheating on you from the beginning?”
“He made me happy…”
***
Lynn started her job at the agency as a copywriter. She interacts with the marketing executives to fulfill the creative requirements of their clients. She found herself relating with Josh more often compared to the other marketing executives. She don’t know if Josh constantly talked to her because of the job requirements of their clients but sometimes, she found herself talking with Josh about non-work related matters. Josh often took his lunch with Lynn, and sometimes, waited for Lynn before going home.
Lynn had never had a boyfriend her entire life. Despite her innate charm and beauty, she never entertained suitors when she was in college. She was very serious finishing her course that she graduated cum laude from the state university. Her parents thought that now that she finished college, she would allow herself to fall in love but Lynn was as workaholic as she was when she was studying. Suitors gave up on her until one by one; no one was patient enough to wait for her. For Lynn, it wasn’t really a great lost. She enjoyed her independence and was happy pursuing her career, until Josh came along.
***
“You’re an intelligent woman! How can you be so stupid when it comes to love?” continued Erica.
Lynn didn’t know how to answer her friend’s accusations. Was it because she truly loves Josh she could turn a blind eye to his foolishness? Or was it because she believes she’s giving herself a chance to experience being in a relationship?
***
A month working with Josh; Lynn felt different. She felt more alive than before. She looked forward to coming to the office and seeing Josh. She enjoyed having lunch and coffee breaks with him. Whenever Josh was out of the office for client calls, she missed him. On the other hand, Josh was showering her with attention different from their officemates. He constantly forwarded Lynn text messages every morning and never fails to call her up at night.
Lynn, unused to falling in love, found herself falling for Josh. They were working together two months already when Josh invited Lynn for dinner. Lynn thought it was just another friendly eat-out when Josh took her to a romantic restaurant in Intramuros. After dinner, they took a walk along the breakwaters of Roxas Blvd. when Josh suddenly asked Lynn what she felt for him. Speechless, Lynn was caught surprised with this sudden though unexpected question. Lynn was dreaming of this to happen for weeks and now that she was confronted with it, she didn’t know how to respond. For once, her being a writer failed her to put words in answer to Josh’s question.
Josh took Lynn’s hand and declared, “Lynn, you have been special to me. The first time I had laid eyes on you, I knew that we are destined to be together. Will you be my girl?” With stars in her eyes, Lynn said yes.
***
“He courted you but behind your back, he already has a girlfriend! He has been fooling you all along! How could you be so blind?” berated Erica.
Maybe because I was so lonely I wanted someone to love me, thought Lynn to herself. Maybe because I was really stupid I was blinded by his sweetness, his caring. Did he really love me?
***
Their first month as a couple was the happiest for Lynn. She was more inspired and it showed in her work. Her boss commended her with her progress in work, her family noticed her glow. She thought that theirs was a perfect relationship. She could have given everything to Josh for Josh made her happy. On their third month anniversary, she gave him the greatest gift she could give, her expression of love.
A few days after that very intimate night, Lynn noticed Josh slightly change. He forgot to call her at night and sometimes never sent her text messages. In the office, he was constantly out for client calls. Thinking that this was just normal, that Josh was just busy with work, Lynn never made an issue out of it.
One ordinary day, Lynn received a text message from Josh. It read: “Honey, I miss you so much, I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I love you.” Lynn knew the message is not for her. She was never “honey” to Josh. Josh called her “baby”, that’s what they call each other. They don’t have a date tomorrow, they have a date tonight.
Lynn felt her world fall apart. Finally, she began to understand Josh peculiar behavior. Why he never invited her to his house, why he never introduced her to his friends. Why sometimes, when she asked him about the person constantly calling his cellular phone, he ignored her and changed the topic immediately.
She confronted him that very night but he denied it. Josh said that the message was intentionally sent to her just to see how she would react. Maybe because Lynn loved him so much, she believed. After that incident, Josh was extra sweet and caring with her.
On Valentine’s eve, Lynn received two text messages from Josh. The messages were identical except for the first words of each message. In the first message, it was “Baby, I am happy to have you this Valentine’s Day.” On the second message, it read “Honey, I am happy to have you this Valentine’s Day.”
Lynn didn’t know how to react to this anymore. She just felt tired, emotionally empty. She found herself dialing the phone and asking her best friend Erica to come to her house.
***
“Lynn! Wake up from this foolishness! You have to love yourself more than you love Josh. He has been fooling you from the beginning! Wake up!” Erica begged her friend.
“I really love Josh and it’s hard to let him go. I gave him my life, I gave him everything. But you are right. I have to let him go. I don’t want to, but I have to…I have to move on. Tomorrow may be difficult; I have to learn to love myself. I will have to hold on to the hope that life will be beautiful for me. I have to let go of the anger and bitterness this experience has brought me. I have to love myself, for my sake, and for the sake of my unborn baby” Lynn finally resolved.
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