It's Christmas My Way

I missed the Christmas when I was a small kid. I remember that my parents would take us to go to our godparents and after, before going home, buy us some toys at SM. I distinctly remember three toys that stood out in my memory. I wonder if these toys are still somewhere in our bodega (wish ko lang he he he). The first one is a panda on a swing. I thought it was a black and white teddy bear, I didn't know that it was called a panda. The second one is a toy car driven by a dog, you wind up its wheel so it would run. And the third one is a transforming robot. Geez, that's how old transformers were.

When we move here in Cainta, I don't remember any new toys. Maybe because I was growing old or times were hard or my godparents were not around anymore. Be that as it may, Christmas has been vastly different when I started working. Instead of being a receiver of gifts, I became a giver. And it feels good. Thank you Lord that I am able to give.

Below is the edited Christmas tree I made from our old tree and my nephew JM enjoying opening gifts...

'Tis the season to be jolly

I am so happy today.

Mas masarap pala magbigay noh?

Thank You Po

Lord,

I am very very thankful for all the blessings you have showered me and my family. This year has been very good to us, as all the past years.

I am thankful for my family who has always been there for each other. We may not seem close to each other but in truth, we are closer than we look. That is how we show our love - despite the fact that we don't really say it, but Lord, I would never exchange my parents, brothers and sister, ever.

As we celebrate Christmas, hindi man po kami sama-sama, lubos pa rin po ako nagpapasalamat at unti-unti pong natutupad mga pangarap namin.

Salamat po talaga.

After a Month of Teaching

All I can say is that at least I have experienced teaching. Bottomline line is, it is difficult.

I make all the effort to teach only to find out that either some of the students are not listening - they are finishing their other assignments in their other subjects, playing sodoku or gambling, and even watching movies in their PSP.

I can only do so much, so I resolved not to teach after this sem. I would rather focus my energy and talent in more fruitful endeavors. It's enough that I have experienced it and I found it not my cup of tea.

If they only knew how much salary I am getting - huh - this is just an allowance covering my transportation going to school.

So, I guess the rest of the faculty will be quite happy with this decision as definitely some of them will get additional load. Good for them.

In UP, I learn so much, here, I realized, especially if its a private school, everything must be spoonfed. But that is how the wheel turns...

Another Successful Event

I am just glad that another successful event has been mounted and this time, I have sponsors even though I didn't make too much marketing effort as I am adjusting to my life as a prof and consultant.

Just wrapped up the two day Youth and Open Scrabble Tournament at Ever Ortigas. Thanks to Chick N Tasty, Gargol, and of course Ever Gotesco Malls.

My business partner asked me why marketing commission is just 10%, told him, it's not my event, I just help out in marketing (which I didn't do very agressive... which come to think of it, if I was agressive, maybe I could have gotten more... anyway, moving on). Actually, what will be or was solicited will go to NASCAP, the non-profit organization for scrabble players to fund the send-off of the Philippine team to the World Youth Scrabble Tournament - see, so how could I get a commission from that?

You will be surprise that the Philippine's hope in scrabble is just a small boy. Somewhere in inquier.net there's a link there...

Anyway, I like the event, I like the hotdogs he he he. I don't have the pics with me (make sure to have it as I am going to do an event report!)

Lapit na pasko... hu hu hu, di ko maramdaman kc ang dami pang bayarin.I am so obsessed na naman with buying a new cp but I know that after I bought it, ayaw ko na... Bili ko na lng ng PSP pamangkin ko. Well, aabonohan ko lng pala kc hati kami n i Arlene he he he.

Oo nga pala, Lunes na naman bukas, sleep na nga me muna...

Uy, nanalo si Pacquio. La lang, gusto ko lang isingit he he he

Robot Dance

As per request, Arlene, ganito kakulit c JM. Btw, sariling choreography daw nia to. May sound effects pa yan huh!

New Client and Reality Bites

Tired but happy. New cient!!!! Yooohooo!

On a heavier note, my neighbor committed suicide yesterday.

I think he was already on the brink of death with drugs and all, but he left behind a kid. So sad. I used to play with him when we were small but knowing how different I am with my other playmates, I drifted apart from them so I can't say that I am friends with him, I was until Grade 2 but after that, nope. So do I feel sad for him? No. He made his choice and it was his choice. I feel sad for his kid who is only 4 years old.

Life goes on. Unlike him, I wouldn't let my parents go through that. Even if sometime I want to give up, I would never ever contemplate that. I just think that a month from now, this (the problem or concern at that time) will pass.

I love my life. I love my family. I love myself.

Ang Hirap Maging Titser

Akala ko madali lang. Syet. Maraming nagkakamali sa maling akala.

Today was a very stressful day. Pasaway na mga bata.

Sabi ko na nga ba, pag mabait ka, aabusihin ka eh.

Hindi pa man nagpre-prelims, naglalabasan na ang mga sungay. No wonder puro incomplete paglabas ng class cards.

Ayaw ko na maging mabait.

Pwede pa ba magresign?

Definitly, itong sem lang na ito ako magtuturo. Ayaw ko na!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My golly, nagbigay ako ng assignment, take note assignment na huh, nag-long weekend, pagpasok sa class puro hindi pa tapos. Fine, nagbigay ng extension. Putcha naman, kinopya na nga lang, mali pa. Syet naman out of 25, may naka-1 pa eh plus 1 ko na nga yun eh. Ano ba????
Bakit ako nung estudyante, never ganyan?

Taz magdadaldalan pa during class o kaya gagawa ng ibang assignment? Tama ba yun?

Kahit anong gusto ko na may matutunan sila kung ayaw pala nilang matuto, wala me magagawa.

Please lang, sayang lang pinang-tuituition nyo mga bata.

Kawawa ang mga magulang.

In fairness, may isa per class na nag-eexcel at nag-eeffort. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila, I would give up.

Bigyan ko kaya ng award bago mag-pasko?

Sobrang nakakadrain...

The Alchemist - My Favorite Quotes

My friend and I are so very fond of "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo.

Both of us believe in the Personal Legend.

On my part, I believe on the following quotes in the book:

It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting. (p11)

What's the world's greatest lie? It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. (p18)

The boy didn't know what a person's "destiny" was. It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny. (p22)

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. (p23)

People learn early in their lives what is their reason for being. (p25)

When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision. (p71)

Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life. (p77)

When you want something with all your heart, that's when you are closest to the Soul of the World. It's always a positive force. (p82)

The alchemists spent years in their laboratories, observing the fire that purified the metals. They spent so much time close to the fire that gradually they gave up the vanities of the world. They discovered that the purification of the metals had led to a purification of themselves (p85)

"I learned that the world has a soul, and that whoever understands that soul can also understand the language of things. I learned that many alchemists realized their destinies, and wound up discovering the Soul of the World, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Elixir of Life. But above all, I learned that these things are all so simple they could be written on the surface of an emerald." (p87)

I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living now. (p88/89)

Because people become fascinated with pictures and words, and wind up forgetting the Language of the World. (p91)

In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path. (p93)

When you are in love, things make even more sense, he thought. (p105)

Courage is the quality most essential to understanding the Language of the World. (p117)

Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense. (p122)

"There is only one way to learn," the alchemist answered. "It's through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey. (p132)

The wise men understood that this natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise. The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect. God created the world so that, through its visible objects, men could understand his spiritual teachings and the marvels of this wisdom. That's what I mean by action." (p133)

All you have to do is contemplate a simple grain of sand, and you will see in it all the marvels of creation. Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there. (p134)

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. (p136)

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.

Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him. (p138)

Every search begins with beginners luck and ends with the victor's being severely tested. (p139)

The boy and his heart had become friends, and neither was capable now of betraying the other. (p141)

When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you. (p155)

The last one is so really true, when you are loved, nothing else matter, nothing else need any explanation...

A Magical Christmas Fashion Show

Oooooooooooops, I did it again he he he, another successfully mounted event by yourstruly at Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall yesterday, November 22 - A Magical Christmas, Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall's Annual Holiday Fashion show with the winners of Little Stars, Generation East and Sexy Body. Here are some pics...

My head aches

I feel so tired and irritable today. I wonder what am I setting myself up.

Now that I can cross teaching among my list of Life Goals (which, in the first place makes me doubt myself as to WHY of all the goals in life I added that... f**k its soooooooo f**king hard to teach!!!! My voice is going hoarse from talking nonstop for four hours!)

The only goals left are pay up my debts and go somewhere abroad.

That's the power of vision.

I have always been a believer of having a vision. I know in a couple of years time, those other two goals will be fulfilled.

F**K talaga, ang sakit ng ulo ko!!!!

A Very Powerful Phone Call

I cried so much. click the link. i will find a way to post this video.



The link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCdZwitrNoY



The link for the CBN interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh5Fa6vZuFo

First Day High!

One thing is for sure, I am very tired but I am HAPPY. I didn't know that my throat can get overworked.

I had my first day of classes today. Although I didn't really teach, but still, I talked and talked the whole morning. My schedule is so full in the morning - from 730am to 1130, that's four classes MWF, and tomorrow my schedule is 730 am to 12nn for three classes.

I can't think of anything yet to discuss tomorrow. My textbook and reference materials are not yet with me, and in my syllabus, it says there that the first week is orientation. I have nothing else to orient my students!

Gotta sleep early, coz after classes, I still do my marketing consultancy.

Me @ Day Off QTV11

Novel in the Making

I have been toying with an idea of writing my novel online, but I have never been around doing it. True, I do have the luxury of time, and yet, I always seem to find excuses not to write.

Now, I will be teaching English 2 aside from my events job...

But I know, I will find it in myself to start writing... as in now na...

Latest Big Event I directed

I wasn't really able to take pictures coz I was busy directing, you know he he he.

Getting Busy

Whew!

From the time I resigned from my work in Makati (last September 26) til today, I have been so swamped with work.

Guess I really don;t need a corporate job to be fulfilled. Rather not stay in a thankless job with big-egoed bosses.

Short recap - directed one of Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall's biggest event of the year - Star Gays. Have arranged minimum of two events a week for my other client, have hosted Ever Gotesco Mall's Videokarir every Sunday - really quite fun and...

This Monday, I will start teaching English 2 - English Composition in college.

Come November 22, I will direct again Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall's Annual Christmas Fashion Show (yaiks! tomorrow I have to submit the backdrop design!!!!).

Other clients - mmmm, I have to draft a marketing proposal for another school as to how we can market their high school and college programs...

Whew...

Hope I won't get so swamped.

I am thinking of writing my novel online...

Tuwing Umuulan

Isang Tula
isang tula noong ako ay walang magawa…

Sa bawat pagpatak ng ulan, may kasamang patak ng luha.
Iisipin mo na panaginip, ang lahat ng dumaan.
Ninais na magising, upang baguhin ang lumipas.
Wala ng magagawa, kundi lingunin ang nagdaan…
Umiling, sabihin sa sarili,
Magbabago din ang lahat…
Ngunit kapag ang puso ay pagod na pala
Kahit anong isip, o dikta ng isipan…
Manhid na, pagod na, wala ng pakialam…
Sa mga nagdaang lumipas
Sa mga panahong naglaho
Ang mga yapak ng kahapon
Animo’y yapak sa buhangin sa dalampasigan…
Na pag dinaanan na ng tubig dagat
Sa isang iglap ay mabubura.
Sa pagtulog, may pahinga nga ba?
Sa paggising, may bago bang lakas?
Ang bukas ba ay puno ng pag-asa?
O katulad lamang ng mga nagdaan?
Sa isang pitsel na tubig, kalahati ang laman
Ito ba ay puno o kulang?
Ang bukangliwayway ba ay maganda
Kung sa dapithapon, ang araw ay magpapaalam din naman…
Oo nga at may buwan at bituin,
Marikit tingnan sa kalangitan
Ngunit kaylamig, katulad ng hangin sa gabi
Walang pakialam…

On My Own

Share ko lang yung very successful mounting ng Star Gays 2008 Grand Finals yesterday. I am proud 'coz I directed with the help of my staff. But still, this is the second time I directed a big event on my own without my business partner - the first one was the Women's Journal E-Teen Model Search 2007 Grand Finals which I didn't earn any cent. Yesterday was the first where I was paid professionally.

I am just happy I was able to do it. Kaya ko pala mag-isa. Great!

Pat on my back....

Taz may inaway pa pala ako sa checkout counter ng Grocer E. Sheesh, ang sungit ko na kasi, tumatanda na. Naman kasi yung cashier, sinimangutan ako. Eh pagod lola mo, so sabi ko, dinadabugan mo ako (kasi wala akong barya kaya ang binigay ko dalawang one hundred sa bill na 100.30). Nakasimangot. Sabi ko customer ako wag nya ako simangutan. Sagutin ba ako na masama daw pakiramdam nya (walang sorry) sabi ko, masama pala pakiramdam mo bakit ka pa pumasok, umuwi ka na lang. aba, sinagot pa rin ako. sabi ko ulit, wala akong pakialam, ako pagod ako pero customer mo ako kaya wag mo ako sisimangutan. ayun, nakatikim tuloy sa akin.

i was sooooo tired, grabe naman, director ka na, floor director pa, ikaw na sa sound system pati pag-aasikaso sa backstage.

pag ganitong event, lumalabas pagiging strikto ko eh.

in fairness, i was happy at maayos yung event.

KUDOS! to me syempre. Now lang naman ako magbubuhat ng bangko eh. From concept to implementation, ako lang mag-isa so I am proud.

Syempre kumuha ako ng mga mag-aassist, kaloka naman kung ako lang talaga mag-isa di ba?

Try ko magpost ng pics, bagal ng modem ko eh. Sensya na, di ako naka-dsl eh.

It's My Birthday Today

Gee weez, so what?

I don't feel older nor wiser... although today is special. I cooked my signature dish - tuna spaghetti and as usual, ubos na agad, sarap ko kasi magluto eh.

One thing I realized, the connections we made with people, the strongest will always be with your family. No matter how far away the members are, there's always the bond...

A Year Older, A Lifetime Wiser

It’s my birthday!

What now?

It has been a roller coaster ride thus far…

Much has changed, but much has remained the same. Life keeps on moving along.

Looking back, one cannot quite help but ask, did I live a fruitful life?

Was I able to accomplish my goals?

Did I make the people around me happy?

Most importantly, am I happy?

But ei, it’s only been 1230am, 30 minutes into my birthday.

One of my best friends already called from the US. I am kind of disappointed that two others have forgotten to even text me, which is unusually but I cannot harbor any resentment.

For the past six years, I have “chucked” my old life. I seldom (well never) meet new people by choice. I slowed down. I have settled down. It is not the quantity of greeters but more of the quality of friends that remain.

And yes, I appreciate more, and would forever be more appreciative with family.

Choices

I don't know what to feel, I am numb.

I feel the world crushing on my shoulders.

I am lost.

He he he. Emote lang. Ako pa.

My life is a very good life.

Nachachallenge nga ako eh.

Eto na naman, tatalon na naman ako sa basngin.

Pero this time, may parachute na ako.

Sabagay, masarap lumipad.

Masarap maging malaya.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

Day Off with Carmina Villaroel

This happened yesterday...

Funny thing, while we were shooting, I saw my old boss (from my first job). Kind of my mentor then when I was just a rank and file, so I updated him that now, I'm a Marketing Communications Manager...

Had a foot spa at California Nail & Day Spa, an assignment from my bosses - competitors check. Wasn't really happy with it...

Sa Wakas

I know his name and cp number - Michael name niya. Kwento ko later paano ako nakipagkilala...

so here goes

last Monday, September 8, di ko akalain na makakasabay ko ulit cia. Medyo napaaga alis ko sa bahay at ayun, nakasabay ko cia. Hindi cia tumabi sa akin pero umupo cia sa harap ko. He he he, kinunan ko ulit ng picture ha ha ha.

Sa isip isip ko, magreresign na ako, malamang hindi ko na siya makita. So pagbaba namin sa PB Com, kinalabit ko, sabi ko, "Kumain ka na ba?" He he he, halatang nagulat, sabi, "oo, bakit?" sabi ko, wala lang, yayain sana kita magbreakfast. sabi uli niya, bakit? sabi ko, tagal na kc kita gus2 makilala. i found out na 7am pala ang time in nya kaya maaga cia pumasok. I got his number. i texted him if its ok to be friends with him, nagreply naman, sabi nia ok lng.

That is his first and only text. Kc after that, hindi na cia nagrereply sa text ko.

Oh well, ganun talaga eh. Kung ayaw nia makipagfriends eh d wag.

tsaka tapos na rin naman obsession ko kc nakilala at nakuha ko na name nia.

here are the pics. malabo naman na makita nia na pinopost ko na natutulog cia noh he he he

gwapo nia noh?

Knowing Your Parenting Style

For parents - here's what you should know:

WHAT KIND OF PARENT ARE YOU?
Know Your Parenting Style and Improve Relationship with Your Family

As a parent, there is no one formula for successfully raising of children. Our styles may vary. Some may be strict while others may be more relaxed in disciplining their kids. Being aware of our personal style as a parent can significantly affect how we relate to our partner and children. It will allow us to have a better understanding, not only of ourselves, but as to how we can enrich our relationship with our family.

LIFO® Method is a practical way to understand your approach to parenting. With LIFO® Method, you will understand how partners react to each other and appreciate each others strengths, examine and understand reactions to children’s behavior, enable desired change in relation to the strengths you possess and understand your unique parenting style.

In the LIFO® Method, there are four parenting orientations or styles. These styles are about our strengths, not weaknesses, and how we are a combination of strengths. Styles are not types, you can discover that you may belong to more than one style, or that in different situations, you prefer to use different styles in dealing with them.

The first step is to introspect and identify which of the four styles best describe you:

Supporting-Giving Style is characterized with these strengths: thoughtful, idealistic, modest, trusting, cooperative, helpful, receptive, responsive, seeks excellence and loyal. The philosophy is “If I prove my worth by working hard and pursuing excellence, I will be able to realize my goals.” Goals are to prove worth and be helpful. This style is symbolized by a mountain, meaning passion for excellence.

Controlling-Taking Style is someone who has these traits: directing, quick to act, confident, seeks change, persuasive, forceful, competitive, risk-taking, persistent, and urgent. The philosophy is “If I can get results by being competent and seizing opportunity, what I desire will be there for the taking.” Goals are be confident and get results, and is symbolized by lightning or passion for action.

Conserving-Holding is a style characterized by being: tenacious, practical, economical, reserved, factual, steadfast, thorough, methodical, detail-oriented and analytical. “If I think before I act and make the most of what I’ve got, I can build up resources to accomplish my goals.” is the philosophy, goals are to go slow and be sure and is symbolized by a constellation for passion for reason.

Last but not least is Adapting-Dealing Style. People who preferred this orientation are usually flexible, tactful, socially adept, youthful, enthusiastic, adaptable, inspiring, experimental, negotiating and animated. The philosophy is “If I am aware of other people and fill their needs first, then I can get my needs filled that I have wanted all along.” with goals to know people and to get along. This style is symbolized by a rainbow for passion for harmony.

After knowing your parenting style, the next step is to find out your partner’s and child’s styles. Knowing their style, you may now know how best to interact with them. A very good example would be relating to our children during their early years.

There are natural periods in a child’s life where it is important to use certain styles in relating to them e.g. 2-3 years old babies are best handled using the controlling-taking style, 4-5 years old toddlers respond more to adapting-dealing style, 6-10 years old kids answer to more supporting-giving and adapting-dealing styles.

Knowing your own preferred style will give you a better understanding on how to relate with your family, especially with your children. To know more about parenting styles, it is best to take the LIFO® Method Parenting Style Survey so you will have a definite picture of your preferred style. Tintin Bersola-Babao shall be having a talk called LIFO® Lifemasters Series on Parenting, of which the survey will be given out as part of the workshop. This is on Friday, September 12, 2008 from 1pm to 5pm at East Café, 2nd Floor of Rustans Makati. She will be there to talk about parenting and knowing your style and share with you how to make a balance between advancing your career and your family. You can contact ACG Human Capital Solutions at 8932445 local 410 or e-mail lifemasters@acghumancapital.com to register.

Challenges in Life

In just a month and a week from now, I'm turning 32. Ten years ago, looking back when I was 22, I was very naive. I just started working, I was just a fresh grad.

That was ten years ago.

Lots had happened to changed me. Did I evolved?

Embarrassingly it is to say, I still do not know what I really wanted, but I decided that knowing what I do not want is the right direction to take.

Take for instance my job.

It IS a job - not a career, not something I look forward to doing. So yesterday, I filed my resignation effective a month from now. Regrets? None.

Of course my mother is against it. It is a nice paying job, and admittedly, because of it, I was able to pay-off two of my seven credit cards. The remaining five I have to pay installment for another year and a half.

But I am not making a mark, I am not stepping up. My official job title is Marketing Communications Manager, but I feel like I'm a run of the mill rank and file employee. I do not have a staff to manage, so the manager part of the title is a lie. I am a one man team. I do the creatives,. I do the planning, I do the execution, I do the implementation. Admittedly, I wasn't able to show what I can really do. I do not have a team to help me.

Is resigning, am I prepared?

Yes.

I will be managing once again my small Events company. I am happy calling my shots. Seeing and doing my events.

And I want to teach.

And continue my MA studies.

And write a novel.

And take care of my birth certificate so I can get a passport, and leave the country, either for pleasure or work.

And exercise.

And do things I can do like go to the mall in the middle of the day, on weekdays!

All these, I want to start doing on the day I reach 32.

Movies and DVD, and long weekends

Long weekend last Saturday to Monday, so what did I do? Anything productive? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! he he he. This coming weekend, another long weekend.

So, what did I do.... hmmmmmmmmmmm

Last Saturday, I treated my mom and dad to SM Taytay to watch a movie with me and my nephew JM. Hmmm, they watched Dobol trobol, kami ni JM, Wall-E. Cute yung Wall-E, although set in the future, "realistic" ang theme... i.e., dahil sa sobrang pollution, people left Earth. Dahil sa dependency sa robots, people gew fat and cant even walk. Pagbalik nila ng Earth, earth wasn't miraculously clean and teeming with new life, puro basura pa rin but that's their challenge, to make it clean again. So five stars! Although si JM, malapit ng matapos nabored at nag-yaya ng lumabas at hanapin daw namin lolo at lola nya sa kabilang sine. he he he.

Last Sunday, nagpuyat ako para matapos ko lng ang season 1 ng brothers and sisters. Maganda rin naman yun, kaya pala nanalo si Sally Field ng Emmy. Kaya ko lng naman bimnili yun kc andun c Calista Flockhart ng Ally McBeal. In fairnes, gay people should watch it kc may isang character dun na gay na kapupulutan ng style he he he.

Yesterday, nagluto ako ng tuna spaghetti. Bday kc ng kapatid kong bunso, so pinagluto ako ng nanay ko. Yun lng naman ahng alam ko lutuin. Well, na-try ko na mag-carbonara kaso magastos sa sauce eh. Ano pa ba magandang sauce ng spaghetti? Hmmmmmmm....

Next weekend, e2 itinerary ko:

Saturday - watch Cinderella starring Lea Salonga sa CCP (or PICC ba? basta sa roxas blvd.)

Sunday - linisin ang office dahil babalik na ako dun. at magpuyat sa Season 2 ng brothers and sisters (na hindi ko pa pala nabibili)

Monday - wala, mag-emote lng muna... or gumawa ng quarter plan for my life...

cge, work muna, siningit ko lng itong blog eh...

When faced with uncertainties in life...

I ask myself, why am I not content?

I don't really want much, I want the simple things... but still, I am not happy.

Today is my father's 66th bday.

In fairness to him, he achieved a lot... I believe he was able to raise six children God-fearing and responsible.

I admit, we are not the perfect family. But on my part, I wouldn't trade my family for anyone else's.

Sarap isulat ng mga memorable moments kaya lang baka umbagin ako ng mga kapatid ko at sabihin bakit ko kinekwento he he he. Siguro, if I ever really have the guts na gumawa ng nobela... soon...

Ano ba ba ang hinahanap ko?

I am already a Marketing Communications Manager. I am not aspiring to be a director or VP.

Mabayaran lng talaga mga utang.

I'm turning 32 this October...

Sa dami na ng natutunan ko, hindi na naman ako siguro magkakamali...

Giving Up on Love

Well, not really on love but on my crush.

I only saw him last Monday, and for the past three days, I have not seen him. I resolved to ask his name the next time but I guess we are not fated to get to know each other.

I will just accept the fact that I can only admire him from a far... it's more exciting not knowing his name, there will always be the mystery.

I think that's me.

If I get to know his name, the excitement will be gone.

Just like in sex. I am more excited in the anticipation of getting laid, but once I am in the act of doing it, I am not really satisfied and would want to get it over and done with.

The same with my obsession with cell phones. I blogged that I am obsessed with Nokia E51 but after a month, I sold it coz I am not happy once I had it. The same with Nokia N70. When I can't afford expensive cellphones in the past, I pine for it. When I finally bought N70 (which is quite pricey in 2006), I am not satisfied. Now, I'm back with a much simpler phone, My Phone T22 because it's dual sim. It serves me well, but after having it for a week, I want a new one. Oh well.

Just like with work. Technically, I have no problem with my job. Imagine, I am a legitimate marketing communication manager. Legitimate in the sense that before, I can choose my title as we are not that formal in my previous work. When I was being poached and recruited, I prayed to get the job and the salary I asked for. I did.

I am thankful for the job as it pays for my credit card loans. But again, I am dissatisfied.

Maybe it is my nature. I can never settle.

So what to do?

I will be turning 32 come October 4, I'm still loss.

Loving Someone

I always believe that when you love someone, you should never ever be ashamed to tell that someone how you feel. Love is not something that should be treasured deep in our hearts but something to be expressed, to be shared with someone.

I haven't really been in love, so I am looking forward to experiencing it. I am apprehensive about the pain, and I am afraid. That's the truth but knowing that despite the risks of being hurt and being rejected I would still like to experience how it is to love. You know, having the little things like waking up each morning knowing that your loved and love in return. Cliches would be our reality... the sun is brighter, flowers more fragrant... *sigh* I look forward to seeing the moon rise and stargaze in the arms of someone I love,and wake up with his eyes lovingly looking into mine. Cooking together, walking in the park together...even arguing would be so much fun, specially the kiss and make-up part. But that would be in the future pa... when the person I am supposed to love will bump into me and the realization that we are meant for each other would dawn into our eyes, and knowing each other and discovering ourselves would be an adventure from that day forth...

I cannot tell you if its wonderful, but deep in my heart, among all emotions, love must be the most profound, the most exquisite. I would like to discover why people make fools of themselves. Why I cannot blame a friend for being stupid - because that's love. I don't have the authority yet to judge because I haven't been in love, that's why I envy those people who experienced love.

I would always maintain the belief that love, the idea and the emotion, is a decision. And I am looking forward to making that decision.

Grrrr!

When I finally resolved that I would introduce myself to my crush this morning, it's either he's too early or late, he wasn't in the shuttle I was this morning. Talk about regrets...

What will give me courage?

Once again, I rode the shuttle going to Makati with my crush... he is so cute. I just want to say hi, ask his name and take it from there...

Waiting for a Sign

Everyday, for the past five days, I always see may crush and yet, I seem to lose courage to introduce myself. I did something today, I took his picture while he was sleeping. The resolution is not much good coz it was raining, no light, the shuttle was moving... but he is cute... really...

At the Back of the FX

I got into the FX at around 12 midnight. Fortuitously, I was the last passenger, no need to wait for the FX to fill up. Good, I was so tired from an overtime work and I hadn’t had dinner yet. I looked forward to the comfort of luxuriously relaxing on my bed, then falling asleep fitfully until the following day. The back end of the FX was cramped, but it was ok. I would rather sit there than at the middle, I didn’t want to be squeezed like a sardine. I sat comfortably, but the only way I could do that was to insert my legs between the legs of the passenger in front of me. Well, what the hey, I wanted to get some nap all throughout the trip and I guessed the other passenger; a him, wouldn’t mind at all. So, subtly, I worked it out. His right leg, then my left leg, his left leg, finally my right leg...his left leg (thigh for that matter) is between my legs now. I was not in the mood to flirt, I was never in the mood to flirt for that matter because I didn’t know how. I would rather find a text mate, or go online and find a chat mate. Probably because I was conservative, or just I didn’t want to make the first move, or deeper still, I was afraid to be rejected. And why would I flirt? Where would it lead? I didn’t want to get into a situation I wouldn’t be able to handle; ha ha, it was short of saying, I didn’t want a relationship just yet!

All throughout the ride, I could not sleep. It was 12 mn, there was no one to text, so I simply indulged myself in my usual pre-occupation during long trips; study my fellow passengers. I looked at my right, this one was too old, the other guy in my front is so fat. Finally, my eyes rested on the guy in front of me, the guy who I has criss crossed my legs, whose thigh was sandwiched with mine.

Oh my, wasn’t he cute? I wondered why I wasn’t able to notice him right away...maybe because the FX was dark, or maybe because I was too pre-occupied to get a doze and sleep. Nevertheless, he was cute so I gave him my full undivided attention. He looked tall, because our legs meet, unlike the other two at the back, their legs wouldn’t even touch. He had this boyish look, a lock of hair falling on his forehead. I had the sudden urge to push it back, but of course I didn’t! He had smooth skin... no pimples there, that is always a turn on to me! He had his polo barong undone, so I could also notice his chest. He was not thin, medium built most likely.

I guessed I was staring at him for so long because he gave me a certain look. Well now, I didn’t want to cause any scene, so I looked away. But I still feel his eyes boring on me so I looked back. Damn, what did his look mean? Is he flirting? How should I know? Why should I make the first move? Come on, as if I really knew how to do this.

But a tiny thought nagged at me. Why not? You wouldn’t see him again, so why not give in to this bit of craziness. If he responded, then go for it, if not, well, you were not really into that.

I never considered the time factor when travelling in the deep of night. There was no traffic, so I was already nearing my stop. The most that I need was squeezed his thigh between my legs and he didn’t even react. He probably took it as an accident because it happened when the FX hit as pothole.

Sayang, I thought to myself. He could be it. It meaning the one person that I would see myself growing old with. Some person I would do things with like watched the sunset together in a beach, stargaze at the park or wait for sunrise at the top of a mountain. He could be the one I would like to see first thing in the morning and my last call at night. He could me my home, where I would feel safe and secure. He could be my lover for crying out loud! We will cook together, eat together, wash dishes together, take a shower together, make love all night long! On a rainy day, we could just hold hands and lazxe the day away on the couch watching cartoons and classic movies, or lie in bed reading our favorite books. We could play scrabble, or he could teach me how to play chess. He could be my gallery companion, going to museums, or my duet partner when I sing-along at videoke bars.

Sigh. But I do believe in fate. I mean, if he was the one for me, he would be. We would meet no matter what the circumstance. But then again, if I don’t make a move, all will be lost. He could only be the one guy that could have been my life, the one I would offer my successes, the one who would share with me my life’s adventure. He could have been.

I made a compromise with myself. If we get off at the same stop, I would make the first move and introduce myself. Why does it have to be like this? Here was my one chance and yet I am hesitating. He looked decent and presentable naman. I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with (he he, the question is, he might be the one be embarrassed to be seen with me). But still, I made a promise to myself. If and only if he gets off at the same stop as I am, then and only then would I make the move.

And he did get off at the same stop. Shucks, I could not back out of my dare. I got off first. I told myself, if he overtakes me, that’s it, or if he didn’t, I would chicken out. There you go, I was still afraid to try. Funny thing is, I was never given the chance. He walked right beside me and matched me stride by stride. Well, I guess he would be receptive for a casual talk after all. So, I mustered all my guts and blurted, “You going my way?” Duh, a good opening line... “It looks like it” he said. Good. “I am Paolo by the way, you?” “Call me Adan.”

Post Script: I wrote this as soon as I got home, unedited.

It's A Wonderful Life: The Story of Us Prelude

I have been thinking... is change good?

So Much To Think

I'm thinking that I am thinking.

Btw, hindi ko na nakakasabay crush ko... :(

What to do...

Rainy Day Thursday

If only...

Sarap magtampisaw sa ulan. I'm sad, di ko nakasabay crush ko sa fx. hu hu hu.

Saw My Crush, I was a Coward

After resolving that shuld I see my crush, I would have the confidence to ask for his name. Yes, I saw him today. I even made "abot" his change when he paid his fare. I was soooooooooo electrified by how soft his hand was. And yes, I CHICKENED OUT! Stupid stupid me.

Anyway, time to get busy, have a report to finish for my 11AM meeting.

Btw, traffic was horrible yesterday, I was an hour late. A tanker smacked into a concretre barrier wrecking havok to traffic. Please, drive responsibly. That's why I dont want to learn how to drive, because I know, I cant drive well...

Seating Beside My Crush

This totally flew out of my mind after my glass door incident. I was excited to write about my skin to skin encounter with my crush but after the glass door, I was deflated.

After four days of hoping I get to ride with my crush in the shuttle going to Makati, finally we were in the same shuttle, and seated right next to each other.

I feel that he also "like" me, but is afraid to do anything about it. He's definitely younger than I am. Just like me, he wore a barong though his is short sleeved. He kind of looks like Piolo Pascual, the shape of his face, lips. And he wears eye glasses.

Anyway, he has been my crush since I first saw him in November. I was actually resolved in asking his name, but of course I chickened out.

I hope next week, when I meet him, I will have the courage to get his name - and a date!

Blagag!

Stupid stupid me. I ran into - smack right into - a glass door! OUCH! I really really thought it was open, it turns out it isn't. Double ouch! People inside saw me and even worse, I think I left an imprint of my face on the glass.

If you want a good wake up call, this is one of the best ways to do - smack into a glass door. It culd have been funny if this was the first time, it aint. It was my second time. Next time, I swear I'm going to take off my shades before entering the building!

Change of Title (Blog)

Why change it. My belief is that putting it out there, I can achieve my goal - financial independence.

Dare I tell the story how I get to be in so much debt? It's because of love, faith, wrong timing, and just plain (bad) luck.

But, I never ever regret any of my past decisions... and for that matter, everything that has been written here since the beginning, it's all me.

I'm just going to be more "businesslike" or "self-motivated" from now on...

Getting What I Want

Yes, I recently purchased my Nokia E51. Obsession done. Am I happy? Nope. Stupid noh? I wanted something else... but now I cant afford it. I tried selling my N70, but in the end, I can't. It's the most expensive mobile phone I bought and even if it hangs now and then, I would keep it ... just for JM to play with. His gameboy is busted. Oh well.


What else is new? Nothing. I need someone to help me with my "on the side" work. I can't pay much but I need it while I'm still working fulltime.

I guess events is really in my blood.

Miss Bikini Philippines 2008

Posting some of the pics of the recent event last May 25, 2008 at PICC Plenary Hall. I watched it, ALONE could you believe that? Amazingly, not one of the people I have asked to accompany me did. Probably, they were just too busy. Hmp. Martin Nievera was there. I really like the way he sings!

Panic Attack

There are times that I feel so overwhelmed with all the things that's happening in my life. Sometimes, I feel so blue... sometimes, stressed. Sometimes, I just like to give up.

What do I do?

Nothing.

I let it pass.

And sometimes, it seems to work.

Ganito Kakulit c JM

JM's Birthday

One month overdue in posting pics. Sorry naman.

6th Month

Six months ago, I went back to the corporate world. He he he, today is my 6th month. Regular na, yehey may benefits na. But still, confused pa rin ako. Kasi naman, yung routine ko sa buhay, sobrang routine na talaga. I have to wake up at 5am para tumayo ng 530am (he he he, 30 minutes to condition myself to wake up), taz breakfast and ligo, kailangan 615am wala na ako sa bahay kundi pipila ako ng matagal sa fx, malalate ako. Then I log-out at 630pm (although hanggang 6pm lng office, additional 30 minutes para di naman masyadong obvious although sa lahat ng officer d2, ako pa rin pinakamaaga umuwi.) Taz makakarating sa bahay ng 830pm or 9pm, sus, antok na ko nun. Kakain lng ng unti, manonood lng ng TV or magbabasa, 930 or 10, tulog na ko.

Pag weekend, rumaraket (kasi naman eh, andami pang babayaran. Baka may maawa der na magpapautang ng pambayad ko sa utang). So, wala talaga akong time sa sarili ko.

Ang Gusto Ko Sana

Obsess ako ngayon. Sobrang obsess ako sa Nokia E51. Eh may wifi kasi eh. Sabi ng kapatid ko na si Arlene na nasa Canda ngayon, makuntento ako sa N70. Sabi ng nanay ko, magbayad ako ng utang. He he he, alam ko naman yun eh. Obsee lng talaga ako. Ako kasi yung tipo na gusto ko ng bago, pero pag andyan na, ayaw ko na. Nakailang palit na ba ako ng cellphone? Parang sex, gusto ko yung "anticipation" of getting it pero pag nandun na, wala lang ha ha ha ha. Syempre di ko sinasabi sa mga nakasex ko yun noh eh di iniwan naman ako sa kama hi hi hi hi. In all honesty, matagal na yun, sabi ko nga nung "sariwa" pa ako. Teka, bakit ba napunta sa sex yung pinagsasabi ko he he he. Eh kasi di ko na obsession yun.

Anyway, gusto ko talaga yung Nokia E51 kasi di cia ganun kamahal. Nasa 12k lng cia, lahat ng features ng N70 PLUS WIFI. Benta ko na nga lng N70 ko para unti na lng dadagdag ko...

Kaya lang may sentimental value sa kin ang N70 ko eh... Andami kong scandal dun we he he he!

God is Good

I thank God for blessing me with my parents and my brothers and sister, and my nephews and nieces. I never really have friends now. I don't know why. I am not who I was, so peer pressure or friends is not really a big deal for me. If only I can get out of my financial difficulties. I want to offer all I have and all I can for my family.

If there's one thing I learn to forget about my problems, I just say to myself... tomorrow, or next month, or next year, this too shall pass.

Random Thoughts 1

Starting today, if and only when I feel like it, and of course if and only when there's internet access, I will be posting my random thoughts.

Hmmmmmm, cant say there's anything on my mind this morning. Im wearing all black, which is kinda stupid coz it's so hot and according to the news, it would get even hotter. Be that as it may (I like that phrase, be that as it may meaning - so? that's it, that phrase kinda mean, and so what else? he he he). Be that as it may = and so, the discourse on that phrase got me off track. That's how random my thought is. Hmmmmmmm. I see, random thoughts - no editing! See, I am a control freak and I hate my keyboard. I'm not a good typists, I type one letter at a time but I made a system of doing it really fast.

My officemate borrowed my tissue paper. Made me off track again, funny, she just got two sheets. Is that enough? She said, "wisik wisik lang" ayos na, ha ha ha, I can't imagine how girls do it. Spray? That's how Biolink is, I guess that's for feminine hygiene. Why don't guys do it? Ha ha ha, coz for guys, "isang pagpag lng, ayos!" Smile.

Another crazy but sensible thing this officemate told me, I dont know why she told me, but she said she use Biolink because Anne Curtis endorsed it. Hmmm, does Anne Curtis really spray Biolink on her *beep beep*? Yuck.
Back to work. I hate it when the last thought in my random thoughts is Anne Curtis' pipi. Change topic. FAST!

Cant think of anything. Another funny observation from a guy officemate, he use Ph Care naman, not for his private parts but for his face. Oh well, men don't use feminine hygience on their weewees but on their face. Weird.

I guess that's a better thought to leave from. Feminine hygiene for the face for MEN!!!!

New Meaning

Finding Mr. Right by rcrj08@yahoo.com
as published in Image Magazine - February 2004
Updated, March 8, 2008

Is it right to find Mr. Right? But actually, the real question is, is there a Mr. Right, not just for me but for everyone? If there is, then, it is not pointless to look and find him. And since my original question is, is it right to find Mr. Right, I am assuming that there exist a Mr. Right for me. Or should I make one perhaps? Or be one? Since I was aware that I am different from everyone else, that happiness is not only self-derived, I have been longing for someone to be my special someone. Maybe it was culture or social conditioning, but the point is – we look for other people for validation and confirmation. I wouldn’t want to be a hypocrite and say that I don’t look for other people for love. Yes, it is the greatest love of all, learning to love one’s self but deep in my heart, it is greater to love and be loved by someone else. Since I came to this conclusion, I realized that longing for that somebody else hurts. It hurts to feel the emptiness of your heart that no matter what you do, you could not just fill it up. It pains to realize that after all the search, after one relationship after another; there is still the void of emptiness. Each relationship brings new insights and the realization that I haven’t met the one; the someone that would make my life different. The one, Mr. Right. How could I find the Mr. Right of my life? I have tried going out for dates, meeting new people. I have been used, abused, manipulated and terribly hurt, only because I thought that if I only give-in, I will have Mr. Right. Talk about being desperate! But still I haven’t met him. Some may argue that to meet Mr. Right, one has to be one. One has to be the right person too. And I believe I am. I am caring, passionate, romantic and giving. I am sincere, thoughtful and sensitive. I appreciate life, I love fun. I am a good conversationalist, understanding, and smart. I am simple, and yet complicated. I am not a high-maintenance person. I admit, I am not perfect, but who is? I am not looking for Mr. Perfect; I am looking for Mr. Right. Mr. Right for me is someone who, unabashedly, will sing me a song or recite to me a poem he had written. He isn’t necessarily good looking but pleasantly clean and neat. He is confident, and supportive, understanding and romantic. He is adventurous, encouraging me to try new things and discover new activities. Sometimes, he is quiet, preferring a night on the bed, talking. Or holding hands at the movies. He would enjoy going to the beach once in a while and with me, wait for the sun to set, the moon and stars to come out, sleep on the sand with the waves of the sea lulling us to sleep only to be awakened by the sunrise. Or an evening where he will cook pasta and set the table with candles and have dessert while listening to my favorite song “Your Song” or watching “Sleepless in Seattle or Serendipity.” We could have the same taste in music, food, books; or not. He can be very complicated, and I would cherish every moment in my life I’m sharing with him understanding his complexity. He could be simple and I would enjoy every moment of simple life, as long as it’s with him. I’ll share with him every thought, dreams and aspirations I have. He could be of my age, or older or younger. He could be all of the above… or not, again, I’m not looking for Mr. Perfect, just the one, someone who would feel right to me. The task of finding Mr. Right may be fruitless, but at least no one can accuse me of not having tried at all. I may be getting older, but definitely, I am getting wiser. If five years from now, Mr. Right haven’t come along yet, I wouldn’t give up but I will go on with my life. The important thing is, aside from Mr. Right who hasn’t come yet, there’s another one who loves me as I am. Me.

Five years had passed. Did I meet my Mr. Right? In a way no, I met Mr. Right Now. But like every love story, or any story for that matter, mine had a beginning and an ending… And it just ended when my Mr. Right found his bride and I became his best man.

Ironic isn’t it?

To love someone for five years and have that chapter in my life end. Funny thing is, I am proud to say that at least, when our story ended, our life as friends began.

He is all of the above as I described and more. But this is not an open letter for him, but a letter for my potential lifemate.

Lifemate.

If there’s one thing I have learned in this quest of mine, is that love happens when you least expect it. But once again, I am putting myself out there, trying to catch the attention of Mr. Right, because maybe, just maybe, he needs a little nudge. Now that I have made my move, the next step is entirely up to him. He can either e-mail me at rcrj08@yahoo.com or call me at 09228383689. I am patient, I can wait… because I know, spending the rest of my life with Mr. Right is worth waiting.

Places I have Been...

left to right/ top to bottom: Vigan, Zamboanga, Laoag, Baguio, Pagudpod, Romblon, Tawi-tawi

To be uploaded: Cebu, Puerto Galera, Ilo-ilo, Pangasinan

Something New

I have been thinking. Last night, I was at Vivere Salon, one of the companies I am servicing as a marketing communications manager. I was there not for myself, but for PR for the salon. Two editors were there last night, Roumel and Penny. These two editors were very very nice and friendly. One thing that struck me most was what Penny said. She wanted a new look because it's the new year (I think she was talking about Chinese New Year). Out with the old, in with the new. That got me into thinking.

It was Valentine's Day last night, and yet where was my Valentine? Gone are the days that I was a hopeless romantic... but I'm rambling. The state of my romance will be discussed in a seperate post.

New beginnings... mmmm

I have started blogging on and off since 2004. But I am using a pseudonym that confuses my post with an ABS-CBN reporter. Yes, this was used to be the www.jayruiz27.blogspot.com and now, it's www.inmy30s.blogspot.com.

And yes, the name at the profile is not Jay Ruiz anymore, but my real name. Why oh why would I reveal my real identity? This blog has so soooo many posts that I, in my real self, would be surprised to read. (Oh yes, I did write those erotic stories, and yes, they did happen years ago...).

I guess what I am saying is, I'm owning up.

Yes, I am in my 30s (in fact, I am just 31).

Yes, I am finally owning up to all the things I have done.

Yes, finally, I am owning up to myself.