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Showing posts with label Thoughts on Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts on Love. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
I Know Him So Well
Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much for far too long.
Looking back I could have played it differently
Won a few more moments who can tell
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know I know him well
There was never a closure, there was never really a goodbye. In every relationship, I always end up alone, pondering on what happened - where did I go wrong? Wasn't what I give enough? Oh no, this song is not for every man that left me. Yes, I knew them well after they left me, but this is really about me, how I know myself more after each relationship. Those relationships are never a failure nor are they successful but experiences that I learn from.
But yes, the lyrics of the song fits my love life. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't plunge into relationships. I would handle things differently.
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness
He can't be mine?
Oh so good
Oh so fine
He can't be mine?
But in the end he needs
A little bit more than me --
More security
He needs his fantasy
And freedom
I know him so well.
It was good while it lasted... but in the end, they do need their fantasy and freedom, so I have to let go...
No one in your life is with you constantly
No one is completely on your side
And though I move my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide.
Ouch, in every relationship, I made them my world. That probably is a big mistake because however much attention and care and love I give, it would seem never enough.
Looking back I could
Have played things
Some other way
Looking back I could
Have played it
Differently
Learned about the man
Before I fell
I was just a little
Careless maybe
Maybe. But in a gay relationship, there is really no "courting" stage. You get to know about the man while you jump into the relationship...
But I was
Ever so much
Younger then
Now at least
Now at least
I know him well
I know I know him well
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness
It's a convenient excuse, I was young then...
Oh so good
Oh so fine
He won't be mine?
Didn't I know
How it would go?
If I knew from the start
Why am I falling apart?
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness
He won't be mine?
He won't be mine?
But in the end he needs a
Little bit more than me --
More security
He needs his
Fantasy and freedom
I know him so well
It took time to understand him
I know him so well
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much for far too long.
Looking back I could have played it differently
Won a few more moments who can tell
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know I know him well
There was never a closure, there was never really a goodbye. In every relationship, I always end up alone, pondering on what happened - where did I go wrong? Wasn't what I give enough? Oh no, this song is not for every man that left me. Yes, I knew them well after they left me, but this is really about me, how I know myself more after each relationship. Those relationships are never a failure nor are they successful but experiences that I learn from.
But yes, the lyrics of the song fits my love life. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't plunge into relationships. I would handle things differently.
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness
He can't be mine?
Oh so good
Oh so fine
He can't be mine?
But in the end he needs
A little bit more than me --
More security
He needs his fantasy
And freedom
I know him so well.
It was good while it lasted... but in the end, they do need their fantasy and freedom, so I have to let go...
No one in your life is with you constantly
No one is completely on your side
And though I move my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide.
Ouch, in every relationship, I made them my world. That probably is a big mistake because however much attention and care and love I give, it would seem never enough.
Looking back I could
Have played things
Some other way
Looking back I could
Have played it
Differently
Learned about the man
Before I fell
I was just a little
Careless maybe
Maybe. But in a gay relationship, there is really no "courting" stage. You get to know about the man while you jump into the relationship...
But I was
Ever so much
Younger then
Now at least
Now at least
I know him well
I know I know him well
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness
It's a convenient excuse, I was young then...
Oh so good
Oh so fine
He won't be mine?
Didn't I know
How it would go?
If I knew from the start
Why am I falling apart?
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness
He won't be mine?
He won't be mine?
But in the end he needs a
Little bit more than me --
More security
He needs his
Fantasy and freedom
I know him so well
It took time to understand him
I know him so well
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Great Love
Last night, a had a dream. In my dream, I was with my first great love. He was my high school best friend. It threw me on a loop that after almost 20 years, the memory of my first love would come to haunt my dreams.
He was my best friend but even before high school ended, we parted ways. It has always puzzled me why he drifted away but looking back, now I think I know why.
We were inseparable in 2nd year. If I was really "out" then, I don't think we could have been friends. Maybe I fell in love with him because he was really handsome. Maybe because he was very sweet and attentive. Maybe because he was very funny. Maybe because he was smart. Maybe because I always saw in him a puppy-eyed look every time he talked about his broken family. Maybe because I was his shoulder to cry on. Maybe. A lot of maybes.
Do I regret my being gay on the cost of losing my friendship and my first great love? Probably. But my gender is not by choice. It is pointless to ponder the what-ifs because there's nothing else to be done, just to be thankful that in those few brief years in high schools, I fell in love for the first time.
We weren't classmates in first year. I prayed so hard that in second year, I could have one good friend since I wasn't able to establish close friendship in the previous years.
Our surnames were right next to each other, so we became seatmates. He was very friendly and was very popular in class. Like I said, we became inseparable.
Came fourth year, for one stupid reason I could not remember now, we had a fight. And for the remaining months, he ignored me.
That time, I was heartbroken. I didn't know the reason why we quarrel and despite efforts from me and our other friends, we didn't make up.
Upon reflection, now I knew why.
We reconnected years back when I was already working and he finishing medical school.
I guess it was time to state the obvious to him, I told him I am gay.
There. We lose connection again.
From his reaction, either he is homophobic or is afraid to validate that he can also be gay.
And I think that was the reason we drifted in our last months in high school.
He was popular. He was a CAT Officer. He was good looking. He was courting a girl then. So how would it look to have a gay best friend?
So that's my first love. The purest love I have ever known.
In my dream last night, for the first time, we kissed. And it was the sweetest kiss I have ever tasted. Even if only it is a dream.
He was my best friend but even before high school ended, we parted ways. It has always puzzled me why he drifted away but looking back, now I think I know why.
We were inseparable in 2nd year. If I was really "out" then, I don't think we could have been friends. Maybe I fell in love with him because he was really handsome. Maybe because he was very sweet and attentive. Maybe because he was very funny. Maybe because he was smart. Maybe because I always saw in him a puppy-eyed look every time he talked about his broken family. Maybe because I was his shoulder to cry on. Maybe. A lot of maybes.
Do I regret my being gay on the cost of losing my friendship and my first great love? Probably. But my gender is not by choice. It is pointless to ponder the what-ifs because there's nothing else to be done, just to be thankful that in those few brief years in high schools, I fell in love for the first time.
We weren't classmates in first year. I prayed so hard that in second year, I could have one good friend since I wasn't able to establish close friendship in the previous years.
Our surnames were right next to each other, so we became seatmates. He was very friendly and was very popular in class. Like I said, we became inseparable.
Came fourth year, for one stupid reason I could not remember now, we had a fight. And for the remaining months, he ignored me.
That time, I was heartbroken. I didn't know the reason why we quarrel and despite efforts from me and our other friends, we didn't make up.
Upon reflection, now I knew why.
We reconnected years back when I was already working and he finishing medical school.
I guess it was time to state the obvious to him, I told him I am gay.
There. We lose connection again.
From his reaction, either he is homophobic or is afraid to validate that he can also be gay.
And I think that was the reason we drifted in our last months in high school.
He was popular. He was a CAT Officer. He was good looking. He was courting a girl then. So how would it look to have a gay best friend?
So that's my first love. The purest love I have ever known.
In my dream last night, for the first time, we kissed. And it was the sweetest kiss I have ever tasted. Even if only it is a dream.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The Alchemist - My Favorite Quotes
My friend and I are so very fond of "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo.
Both of us believe in the Personal Legend.
On my part, I believe on the following quotes in the book:
It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting. (p11)
What's the world's greatest lie? It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. (p18)
The boy didn't know what a person's "destiny" was. It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny. (p22)
And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. (p23)
People learn early in their lives what is their reason for being. (p25)
When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision. (p71)
Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life. (p77)
When you want something with all your heart, that's when you are closest to the Soul of the World. It's always a positive force. (p82)
The alchemists spent years in their laboratories, observing the fire that purified the metals. They spent so much time close to the fire that gradually they gave up the vanities of the world. They discovered that the purification of the metals had led to a purification of themselves (p85)
"I learned that the world has a soul, and that whoever understands that soul can also understand the language of things. I learned that many alchemists realized their destinies, and wound up discovering the Soul of the World, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Elixir of Life. But above all, I learned that these things are all so simple they could be written on the surface of an emerald." (p87)
I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living now. (p88/89)
Because people become fascinated with pictures and words, and wind up forgetting the Language of the World. (p91)
In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path. (p93)
When you are in love, things make even more sense, he thought. (p105)
Courage is the quality most essential to understanding the Language of the World. (p117)
Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense. (p122)
"There is only one way to learn," the alchemist answered. "It's through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey. (p132)
The wise men understood that this natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise. The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect. God created the world so that, through its visible objects, men could understand his spiritual teachings and the marvels of this wisdom. That's what I mean by action." (p133)
All you have to do is contemplate a simple grain of sand, and you will see in it all the marvels of creation. Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there. (p134)
People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. (p136)
Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.
Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him. (p138)
Every search begins with beginners luck and ends with the victor's being severely tested. (p139)
The boy and his heart had become friends, and neither was capable now of betraying the other. (p141)
When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you. (p155)
The last one is so really true, when you are loved, nothing else matter, nothing else need any explanation...
Both of us believe in the Personal Legend.
On my part, I believe on the following quotes in the book:
It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting. (p11)
What's the world's greatest lie? It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. (p18)
The boy didn't know what a person's "destiny" was. It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny. (p22)
And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. (p23)
People learn early in their lives what is their reason for being. (p25)
When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision. (p71)
Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life. (p77)
When you want something with all your heart, that's when you are closest to the Soul of the World. It's always a positive force. (p82)
The alchemists spent years in their laboratories, observing the fire that purified the metals. They spent so much time close to the fire that gradually they gave up the vanities of the world. They discovered that the purification of the metals had led to a purification of themselves (p85)
"I learned that the world has a soul, and that whoever understands that soul can also understand the language of things. I learned that many alchemists realized their destinies, and wound up discovering the Soul of the World, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Elixir of Life. But above all, I learned that these things are all so simple they could be written on the surface of an emerald." (p87)
I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living now. (p88/89)
Because people become fascinated with pictures and words, and wind up forgetting the Language of the World. (p91)
In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path. (p93)
When you are in love, things make even more sense, he thought. (p105)
Courage is the quality most essential to understanding the Language of the World. (p117)
Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense. (p122)
"There is only one way to learn," the alchemist answered. "It's through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey. (p132)
The wise men understood that this natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise. The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect. God created the world so that, through its visible objects, men could understand his spiritual teachings and the marvels of this wisdom. That's what I mean by action." (p133)
All you have to do is contemplate a simple grain of sand, and you will see in it all the marvels of creation. Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there. (p134)
People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. (p136)
Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.
Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him. (p138)
Every search begins with beginners luck and ends with the victor's being severely tested. (p139)
The boy and his heart had become friends, and neither was capable now of betraying the other. (p141)
When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you. (p155)
The last one is so really true, when you are loved, nothing else matter, nothing else need any explanation...
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Loving Someone
I always believe that when you love someone, you should never ever be ashamed to tell that someone how you feel. Love is not something that should be treasured deep in our hearts but something to be expressed, to be shared with someone.
I haven't really been in love, so I am looking forward to experiencing it. I am apprehensive about the pain, and I am afraid. That's the truth but knowing that despite the risks of being hurt and being rejected I would still like to experience how it is to love. You know, having the little things like waking up each morning knowing that your loved and love in return. Cliches would be our reality... the sun is brighter, flowers more fragrant... *sigh* I look forward to seeing the moon rise and stargaze in the arms of someone I love,and wake up with his eyes lovingly looking into mine. Cooking together, walking in the park together...even arguing would be so much fun, specially the kiss and make-up part. But that would be in the future pa... when the person I am supposed to love will bump into me and the realization that we are meant for each other would dawn into our eyes, and knowing each other and discovering ourselves would be an adventure from that day forth...
I cannot tell you if its wonderful, but deep in my heart, among all emotions, love must be the most profound, the most exquisite. I would like to discover why people make fools of themselves. Why I cannot blame a friend for being stupid - because that's love. I don't have the authority yet to judge because I haven't been in love, that's why I envy those people who experienced love.
I would always maintain the belief that love, the idea and the emotion, is a decision. And I am looking forward to making that decision.
I haven't really been in love, so I am looking forward to experiencing it. I am apprehensive about the pain, and I am afraid. That's the truth but knowing that despite the risks of being hurt and being rejected I would still like to experience how it is to love. You know, having the little things like waking up each morning knowing that your loved and love in return. Cliches would be our reality... the sun is brighter, flowers more fragrant... *sigh* I look forward to seeing the moon rise and stargaze in the arms of someone I love,and wake up with his eyes lovingly looking into mine. Cooking together, walking in the park together...even arguing would be so much fun, specially the kiss and make-up part. But that would be in the future pa... when the person I am supposed to love will bump into me and the realization that we are meant for each other would dawn into our eyes, and knowing each other and discovering ourselves would be an adventure from that day forth...
I cannot tell you if its wonderful, but deep in my heart, among all emotions, love must be the most profound, the most exquisite. I would like to discover why people make fools of themselves. Why I cannot blame a friend for being stupid - because that's love. I don't have the authority yet to judge because I haven't been in love, that's why I envy those people who experienced love.
I would always maintain the belief that love, the idea and the emotion, is a decision. And I am looking forward to making that decision.
Monday, December 13, 2004
My Love
Love for me is not just a word it’s a quest. Since I became aware of this emotion, I longed for this wonderful thing to happen to me. I envy the people around me who have found the meaning and experienced love.
Love, according to those who experienced it, makes the world more beautiful. I don’t understand. I don’t seem to get it. Why would things be different if one is in love?
I have been in and out of relationships in the past, thinking that by trial and error I would learn what love is, experience the wonderful feeling of love and being in love. Alas, to no avail. Love has been elusive. I am impatient to really know and understand love.
And then I met you…
Now I know how it is to be in love and what is love. Now I understand.
You see, love is a secret shared by those who have been fortunate to be loved. And yes, I have been touched. Thank you for touching me.
Love, according to those who experienced it, makes the world more beautiful. I don’t understand. I don’t seem to get it. Why would things be different if one is in love?
I have been in and out of relationships in the past, thinking that by trial and error I would learn what love is, experience the wonderful feeling of love and being in love. Alas, to no avail. Love has been elusive. I am impatient to really know and understand love.
And then I met you…
Now I know how it is to be in love and what is love. Now I understand.
You see, love is a secret shared by those who have been fortunate to be loved. And yes, I have been touched. Thank you for touching me.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Complete
Dear Honey,
i just dont know where to start. i just finished my event and here i am sitting infront of a rented PC to email you. it's now 6:15pm. i know that there's a five hour time difference between our zones.
so where do i start?
should i tell you that i am so lucky to have met you? should i tell you that, for once in my life, i can say that now i look forward to waking each morning to read your messages? that i am as eager to fall asleep so i can dream of you in my mind?
should i tell you that despite our recent commitment, ive felt that i have already known you and been committed to you, even before i met you?
should i tell you how you make me smile with your morning greetings? or how you can make me cry with your loving words? no one has shown how much i am loved than you.
it's as if i have known you even before i met you. with you, im a person.
through your faith, i believe in myself more.
through your eyes, i see the beauty that i am.
through your words, i feel that i will never be alone.
distance, time, age, are now just mere words for nothing could and would change the fact that we have touched each other, that you touched me and i discovered my soul.
i love you like i never know that i could love this way.
i love you like i never realized that i am capable of selfless abandonment.
i love you with the promise that i will wait and i will trust you.
i love you but saying it is not enough to express my gratitude for making me realize that there is indeed love and it could happen.
even if this is just but a dream, and i wake up, i would gladly live each day in the memory and the warmth of this dream.
but this is not a dream and you are real.
there are no challenges, nor boundaries because you accepted me for who i am.
you make me glow, and feel warth,
and most of all, you make me happy.
i have never been happy.
with all my heart and soul,
jay
i just dont know where to start. i just finished my event and here i am sitting infront of a rented PC to email you. it's now 6:15pm. i know that there's a five hour time difference between our zones.
so where do i start?
should i tell you that i am so lucky to have met you? should i tell you that, for once in my life, i can say that now i look forward to waking each morning to read your messages? that i am as eager to fall asleep so i can dream of you in my mind?
should i tell you that despite our recent commitment, ive felt that i have already known you and been committed to you, even before i met you?
should i tell you how you make me smile with your morning greetings? or how you can make me cry with your loving words? no one has shown how much i am loved than you.
it's as if i have known you even before i met you. with you, im a person.
through your faith, i believe in myself more.
through your eyes, i see the beauty that i am.
through your words, i feel that i will never be alone.
distance, time, age, are now just mere words for nothing could and would change the fact that we have touched each other, that you touched me and i discovered my soul.
i love you like i never know that i could love this way.
i love you like i never realized that i am capable of selfless abandonment.
i love you with the promise that i will wait and i will trust you.
i love you but saying it is not enough to express my gratitude for making me realize that there is indeed love and it could happen.
even if this is just but a dream, and i wake up, i would gladly live each day in the memory and the warmth of this dream.
but this is not a dream and you are real.
there are no challenges, nor boundaries because you accepted me for who i am.
you make me glow, and feel warth,
and most of all, you make me happy.
i have never been happy.
with all my heart and soul,
jay
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Love is My Decision
This was written about seven years ago. Honey, I already made a decision...
***
I always believe that when you love someone, you should never ever be ashamed to tell that someone how you feel. Love is not something that should be treasured deep in our hearts but something to be expressed, to be shared with someone.I haven't really been in love, so I am looking forward to experiencing it. I am apprehensive about the pain, and I am afraid. That's the truth but knowing that despite the risks of being hurt and being rejected I would still like to experience how it is to love. You know, having the little things like waking up each morning knowing that your loved and love in return. Cliches would be our reality... the sun is brighter, flowers more fragrant... *sigh* I look forward to seeing the moon rise and stargaze in the arms of someone I love,and wake up with his eyes lovingly looking into mine. Cooking together, walking in the park together...even arguing would be so much fun, specially the kiss and make-up part. But that would be in the future pa... when the person I am supposed to love will bump into me and the realization that we are meant for each other would dawn into our eyes, and knowing each other and discovering ourselves would be an adventure from that day forth...I cannot tell you if its wonderful, but deep in my heart, among all emotions, love must be the most profound, the most exquisite. I would like to discover why people make fools of themselves. Why I cannot blame a friend for being stupid - because that's love. I don't have the authority yet to judge because I haven't been in love, that's why I envy those people who experienced love.I would always maintain the belief that love, the idea and the emotion, is a decision. And I am looking forward to making that decision.
***
This is for you HONEY!!!!
***
I always believe that when you love someone, you should never ever be ashamed to tell that someone how you feel. Love is not something that should be treasured deep in our hearts but something to be expressed, to be shared with someone.I haven't really been in love, so I am looking forward to experiencing it. I am apprehensive about the pain, and I am afraid. That's the truth but knowing that despite the risks of being hurt and being rejected I would still like to experience how it is to love. You know, having the little things like waking up each morning knowing that your loved and love in return. Cliches would be our reality... the sun is brighter, flowers more fragrant... *sigh* I look forward to seeing the moon rise and stargaze in the arms of someone I love,and wake up with his eyes lovingly looking into mine. Cooking together, walking in the park together...even arguing would be so much fun, specially the kiss and make-up part. But that would be in the future pa... when the person I am supposed to love will bump into me and the realization that we are meant for each other would dawn into our eyes, and knowing each other and discovering ourselves would be an adventure from that day forth...I cannot tell you if its wonderful, but deep in my heart, among all emotions, love must be the most profound, the most exquisite. I would like to discover why people make fools of themselves. Why I cannot blame a friend for being stupid - because that's love. I don't have the authority yet to judge because I haven't been in love, that's why I envy those people who experienced love.I would always maintain the belief that love, the idea and the emotion, is a decision. And I am looking forward to making that decision.
***
This is for you HONEY!!!!
Thursday, December 09, 2004
An Old Letter About Love
This letter is dated April 1998. Amee is my best friend since then. I happen to open a file of old old letters and I saw this one. What I said to Amee is still true for me now. Amee is now happily married and is expecting to give birth next year.
Thursday, April 02, 1998 2:54 AM
Amee,
Just finished writing Khel a letter. Ewan ko ba, pero kanina pa ako antok na antok, kagigising ko lang ulit. First off, my response to your letter. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay. That’s a natural reaction. I really think you handled the situation very well. Saludo ako sa iyo kid!
This letter carries two points. The first one, never ever close your door to love, if you do, at least leave the window open. Don’t let this experience ruin your chance to true happiness. Yeah right, you’ve been through a lot with him but have you ever stop and consider that because of this experience, you changed. You are a stronger person. You are different. You are not a lovesick puppy anymore nor a teenager clamoring for some guy’s attention. Remember, you have loved, and that’s the most wonderful experience in the whole world. In fact, I could say you’re lucky! Because of this experience, you can get to know what love is. And the next time love comes along, at least you already know what you’re getting into. You can at least say to yourself and be proud, I know how to love! Love then would be something sweeter and better. Never deprive yourself of the happiness that’s rightfully yours. Sure you’ve been hurt, but being hurt prepares you to experience, to appreciate the better things in life. At least ngayon, alam mo na!
Next point, I think (and I do believe) that you do love yourself. Never could you have loved another person unless you love yourself first. You might not now it, but your love for him is a reflection of your love for yourself. You might ask yourself, why do I love him so much? Because, in a way, this is your expression of loving yourself. Think about it. He loves music the same kind as you, he’s into guitar, you like to be into that too. You can never have loved him unless there’s something in him that doesn’t reflect your love for yourself. Believe me when I say, you see something you in him, that’s why you loved him.
On my part, believe me when I told you that I really don’t know who I am. That’s right, what I told you in the stockroom is all truth. But it is something I rather not talk about. At this stage, feeling ko, wala akong mafeel. I just want to go with the flow. Indifferent. Eventually, I’ll change. I just don’t know yet kung anong direction. I would like to sincerely thank you sa pagtitiyaga. Sana someday, I’ll be as strong as you are. I’ll be able to stand and stay, this is me. Accept me for who I am. I am proud of myself.
Bye na.
Inaantok uli ako.
Hirayamanawari,
Jay Ruiz
Thursday, April 02, 1998 2:54 AM
Amee,
Just finished writing Khel a letter. Ewan ko ba, pero kanina pa ako antok na antok, kagigising ko lang ulit. First off, my response to your letter. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay. That’s a natural reaction. I really think you handled the situation very well. Saludo ako sa iyo kid!
This letter carries two points. The first one, never ever close your door to love, if you do, at least leave the window open. Don’t let this experience ruin your chance to true happiness. Yeah right, you’ve been through a lot with him but have you ever stop and consider that because of this experience, you changed. You are a stronger person. You are different. You are not a lovesick puppy anymore nor a teenager clamoring for some guy’s attention. Remember, you have loved, and that’s the most wonderful experience in the whole world. In fact, I could say you’re lucky! Because of this experience, you can get to know what love is. And the next time love comes along, at least you already know what you’re getting into. You can at least say to yourself and be proud, I know how to love! Love then would be something sweeter and better. Never deprive yourself of the happiness that’s rightfully yours. Sure you’ve been hurt, but being hurt prepares you to experience, to appreciate the better things in life. At least ngayon, alam mo na!
Next point, I think (and I do believe) that you do love yourself. Never could you have loved another person unless you love yourself first. You might not now it, but your love for him is a reflection of your love for yourself. You might ask yourself, why do I love him so much? Because, in a way, this is your expression of loving yourself. Think about it. He loves music the same kind as you, he’s into guitar, you like to be into that too. You can never have loved him unless there’s something in him that doesn’t reflect your love for yourself. Believe me when I say, you see something you in him, that’s why you loved him.
On my part, believe me when I told you that I really don’t know who I am. That’s right, what I told you in the stockroom is all truth. But it is something I rather not talk about. At this stage, feeling ko, wala akong mafeel. I just want to go with the flow. Indifferent. Eventually, I’ll change. I just don’t know yet kung anong direction. I would like to sincerely thank you sa pagtitiyaga. Sana someday, I’ll be as strong as you are. I’ll be able to stand and stay, this is me. Accept me for who I am. I am proud of myself.
Bye na.
Inaantok uli ako.
Hirayamanawari,
Jay Ruiz
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Mali Ba Ang Magmahal?
Minsan lang ako magmahal... pero kapag nagmahal ako, mas mahal ko pa siya kaysa sa sarili ko. Tinanggap ko naman na magkaiba kami. Tinanggap ko rin siya ng buong puso. Minahal ko siya ng tapat.
Ako kaya, kailan nya ako mamahalin din ng tapat?
Ako kaya, kailan nya ako mamahalin din ng tapat?
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