Love for me is not just a word it’s a quest. Since I became aware of this emotion, I longed for this wonderful thing to happen to me. I envy the people around me who have found the meaning and experienced love.
Love, according to those who experienced it, makes the world more beautiful. I don’t understand. I don’t seem to get it. Why would things be different if one is in love?
I have been in and out of relationships in the past, thinking that by trial and error I would learn what love is, experience the wonderful feeling of love and being in love. Alas, to no avail. Love has been elusive. I am impatient to really know and understand love.
And then I met you…
Now I know how it is to be in love and what is love. Now I understand.
You see, love is a secret shared by those who have been fortunate to be loved. And yes, I have been touched. Thank you for touching me.
Monday, December 13, 2004
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Complete
Dear Honey,
i just dont know where to start. i just finished my event and here i am sitting infront of a rented PC to email you. it's now 6:15pm. i know that there's a five hour time difference between our zones.
so where do i start?
should i tell you that i am so lucky to have met you? should i tell you that, for once in my life, i can say that now i look forward to waking each morning to read your messages? that i am as eager to fall asleep so i can dream of you in my mind?
should i tell you that despite our recent commitment, ive felt that i have already known you and been committed to you, even before i met you?
should i tell you how you make me smile with your morning greetings? or how you can make me cry with your loving words? no one has shown how much i am loved than you.
it's as if i have known you even before i met you. with you, im a person.
through your faith, i believe in myself more.
through your eyes, i see the beauty that i am.
through your words, i feel that i will never be alone.
distance, time, age, are now just mere words for nothing could and would change the fact that we have touched each other, that you touched me and i discovered my soul.
i love you like i never know that i could love this way.
i love you like i never realized that i am capable of selfless abandonment.
i love you with the promise that i will wait and i will trust you.
i love you but saying it is not enough to express my gratitude for making me realize that there is indeed love and it could happen.
even if this is just but a dream, and i wake up, i would gladly live each day in the memory and the warmth of this dream.
but this is not a dream and you are real.
there are no challenges, nor boundaries because you accepted me for who i am.
you make me glow, and feel warth,
and most of all, you make me happy.
i have never been happy.
with all my heart and soul,
jay
i just dont know where to start. i just finished my event and here i am sitting infront of a rented PC to email you. it's now 6:15pm. i know that there's a five hour time difference between our zones.
so where do i start?
should i tell you that i am so lucky to have met you? should i tell you that, for once in my life, i can say that now i look forward to waking each morning to read your messages? that i am as eager to fall asleep so i can dream of you in my mind?
should i tell you that despite our recent commitment, ive felt that i have already known you and been committed to you, even before i met you?
should i tell you how you make me smile with your morning greetings? or how you can make me cry with your loving words? no one has shown how much i am loved than you.
it's as if i have known you even before i met you. with you, im a person.
through your faith, i believe in myself more.
through your eyes, i see the beauty that i am.
through your words, i feel that i will never be alone.
distance, time, age, are now just mere words for nothing could and would change the fact that we have touched each other, that you touched me and i discovered my soul.
i love you like i never know that i could love this way.
i love you like i never realized that i am capable of selfless abandonment.
i love you with the promise that i will wait and i will trust you.
i love you but saying it is not enough to express my gratitude for making me realize that there is indeed love and it could happen.
even if this is just but a dream, and i wake up, i would gladly live each day in the memory and the warmth of this dream.
but this is not a dream and you are real.
there are no challenges, nor boundaries because you accepted me for who i am.
you make me glow, and feel warth,
and most of all, you make me happy.
i have never been happy.
with all my heart and soul,
jay
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Love is My Decision
This was written about seven years ago. Honey, I already made a decision...
***
I always believe that when you love someone, you should never ever be ashamed to tell that someone how you feel. Love is not something that should be treasured deep in our hearts but something to be expressed, to be shared with someone.I haven't really been in love, so I am looking forward to experiencing it. I am apprehensive about the pain, and I am afraid. That's the truth but knowing that despite the risks of being hurt and being rejected I would still like to experience how it is to love. You know, having the little things like waking up each morning knowing that your loved and love in return. Cliches would be our reality... the sun is brighter, flowers more fragrant... *sigh* I look forward to seeing the moon rise and stargaze in the arms of someone I love,and wake up with his eyes lovingly looking into mine. Cooking together, walking in the park together...even arguing would be so much fun, specially the kiss and make-up part. But that would be in the future pa... when the person I am supposed to love will bump into me and the realization that we are meant for each other would dawn into our eyes, and knowing each other and discovering ourselves would be an adventure from that day forth...I cannot tell you if its wonderful, but deep in my heart, among all emotions, love must be the most profound, the most exquisite. I would like to discover why people make fools of themselves. Why I cannot blame a friend for being stupid - because that's love. I don't have the authority yet to judge because I haven't been in love, that's why I envy those people who experienced love.I would always maintain the belief that love, the idea and the emotion, is a decision. And I am looking forward to making that decision.
***
This is for you HONEY!!!!
***
I always believe that when you love someone, you should never ever be ashamed to tell that someone how you feel. Love is not something that should be treasured deep in our hearts but something to be expressed, to be shared with someone.I haven't really been in love, so I am looking forward to experiencing it. I am apprehensive about the pain, and I am afraid. That's the truth but knowing that despite the risks of being hurt and being rejected I would still like to experience how it is to love. You know, having the little things like waking up each morning knowing that your loved and love in return. Cliches would be our reality... the sun is brighter, flowers more fragrant... *sigh* I look forward to seeing the moon rise and stargaze in the arms of someone I love,and wake up with his eyes lovingly looking into mine. Cooking together, walking in the park together...even arguing would be so much fun, specially the kiss and make-up part. But that would be in the future pa... when the person I am supposed to love will bump into me and the realization that we are meant for each other would dawn into our eyes, and knowing each other and discovering ourselves would be an adventure from that day forth...I cannot tell you if its wonderful, but deep in my heart, among all emotions, love must be the most profound, the most exquisite. I would like to discover why people make fools of themselves. Why I cannot blame a friend for being stupid - because that's love. I don't have the authority yet to judge because I haven't been in love, that's why I envy those people who experienced love.I would always maintain the belief that love, the idea and the emotion, is a decision. And I am looking forward to making that decision.
***
This is for you HONEY!!!!
Thursday, December 09, 2004
An Old Letter About Love
This letter is dated April 1998. Amee is my best friend since then. I happen to open a file of old old letters and I saw this one. What I said to Amee is still true for me now. Amee is now happily married and is expecting to give birth next year.
Thursday, April 02, 1998 2:54 AM
Amee,
Just finished writing Khel a letter. Ewan ko ba, pero kanina pa ako antok na antok, kagigising ko lang ulit. First off, my response to your letter. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay. That’s a natural reaction. I really think you handled the situation very well. Saludo ako sa iyo kid!
This letter carries two points. The first one, never ever close your door to love, if you do, at least leave the window open. Don’t let this experience ruin your chance to true happiness. Yeah right, you’ve been through a lot with him but have you ever stop and consider that because of this experience, you changed. You are a stronger person. You are different. You are not a lovesick puppy anymore nor a teenager clamoring for some guy’s attention. Remember, you have loved, and that’s the most wonderful experience in the whole world. In fact, I could say you’re lucky! Because of this experience, you can get to know what love is. And the next time love comes along, at least you already know what you’re getting into. You can at least say to yourself and be proud, I know how to love! Love then would be something sweeter and better. Never deprive yourself of the happiness that’s rightfully yours. Sure you’ve been hurt, but being hurt prepares you to experience, to appreciate the better things in life. At least ngayon, alam mo na!
Next point, I think (and I do believe) that you do love yourself. Never could you have loved another person unless you love yourself first. You might not now it, but your love for him is a reflection of your love for yourself. You might ask yourself, why do I love him so much? Because, in a way, this is your expression of loving yourself. Think about it. He loves music the same kind as you, he’s into guitar, you like to be into that too. You can never have loved him unless there’s something in him that doesn’t reflect your love for yourself. Believe me when I say, you see something you in him, that’s why you loved him.
On my part, believe me when I told you that I really don’t know who I am. That’s right, what I told you in the stockroom is all truth. But it is something I rather not talk about. At this stage, feeling ko, wala akong mafeel. I just want to go with the flow. Indifferent. Eventually, I’ll change. I just don’t know yet kung anong direction. I would like to sincerely thank you sa pagtitiyaga. Sana someday, I’ll be as strong as you are. I’ll be able to stand and stay, this is me. Accept me for who I am. I am proud of myself.
Bye na.
Inaantok uli ako.
Hirayamanawari,
Jay Ruiz
Thursday, April 02, 1998 2:54 AM
Amee,
Just finished writing Khel a letter. Ewan ko ba, pero kanina pa ako antok na antok, kagigising ko lang ulit. First off, my response to your letter. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay. That’s a natural reaction. I really think you handled the situation very well. Saludo ako sa iyo kid!
This letter carries two points. The first one, never ever close your door to love, if you do, at least leave the window open. Don’t let this experience ruin your chance to true happiness. Yeah right, you’ve been through a lot with him but have you ever stop and consider that because of this experience, you changed. You are a stronger person. You are different. You are not a lovesick puppy anymore nor a teenager clamoring for some guy’s attention. Remember, you have loved, and that’s the most wonderful experience in the whole world. In fact, I could say you’re lucky! Because of this experience, you can get to know what love is. And the next time love comes along, at least you already know what you’re getting into. You can at least say to yourself and be proud, I know how to love! Love then would be something sweeter and better. Never deprive yourself of the happiness that’s rightfully yours. Sure you’ve been hurt, but being hurt prepares you to experience, to appreciate the better things in life. At least ngayon, alam mo na!
Next point, I think (and I do believe) that you do love yourself. Never could you have loved another person unless you love yourself first. You might not now it, but your love for him is a reflection of your love for yourself. You might ask yourself, why do I love him so much? Because, in a way, this is your expression of loving yourself. Think about it. He loves music the same kind as you, he’s into guitar, you like to be into that too. You can never have loved him unless there’s something in him that doesn’t reflect your love for yourself. Believe me when I say, you see something you in him, that’s why you loved him.
On my part, believe me when I told you that I really don’t know who I am. That’s right, what I told you in the stockroom is all truth. But it is something I rather not talk about. At this stage, feeling ko, wala akong mafeel. I just want to go with the flow. Indifferent. Eventually, I’ll change. I just don’t know yet kung anong direction. I would like to sincerely thank you sa pagtitiyaga. Sana someday, I’ll be as strong as you are. I’ll be able to stand and stay, this is me. Accept me for who I am. I am proud of myself.
Bye na.
Inaantok uli ako.
Hirayamanawari,
Jay Ruiz
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