Napuyat ako sa movie na ito. Pinanood ko kagabi. Curious ako kasi andaming Oscar Nominations and awards ng natanggap. And of course I was wondering how a gay love story could become the epic love story touted today. Oo na, sasabihin ko, I had high expectations. Dapat pala, wala he he he. In the first place, DRAMA yung movie, as in... drama kung drama sa bagal. Sabagay, maganda ang cinematography. Sus, ang ganda ng nature scenes. In fairness, magaling si Heith Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall. Para sa mga gustong makakita ng frontal nudity (ooops, hindi po ni Heith and Jake, pwet lang nila makikita nyo), meron. Nalokah nga ako eh. Si Princess Diaries and Ella Enchanted Ann Hathaway, nagpakita ng boobs. Di ko maimagine! Si Michelle Williams din, pero sa kanya, ok lang, slut naman kasi siya sa Dawson's Creek di ba? Pero alam nyo, sa character nya ako sobrang nakaemphatize.
Di po kasalanan ang umibig, kay boy-girl, boy-boy or girl-girl but the bottomline is, dapat walang nasasagasaan na tao. Yun lang naman eh. Ok, nagkainlove-an yung dalawang cowboy. Fine. Pero, after they separated the first time, and got married to their wives, dapat hindi na sila nagkabalikan.
Sheeet, umiyak ako nung makita ni Michelle Williams yung asawa niya may kahalikang lalake. Parang tinarak ng kutsilyo ang puso ko. What's worse, wala siyang magawa. They had two babies to take care of. Tapos, eto namang si lalake, nag-aalibi pa na fishing buddies, and they have been doing it for 20 years. Cguro nung di na kaya ni Michelle, nakipagdivorce siya. I was rooting for her. Kasi siya yung api eh. Lalo na nung binuko niya yung asawa niya. Sabi niya, hindi kayo nagfifishing dahil may note siyang tinali sa fishing rod at hindi man lamang nabasa. Kakaloka, yung lalaki pa ang nagalit sa kanya.
Hmp. Anong magandang message ba ang binigay nung film? Na kesyo its a bold gay movie? Nyek. That the power of love could withstand the test of time? Nyek ulit. Ok lang yun, as long as walang ibang taong nasasaktan, walang ibang tao na niloloko. Kasi yung love nung dalawang cowboy, for me, it's selfishness. or siguro nga tao lang sila, may mga weaknesses. Ako man, aaminin ko, pagdating sa love, irrational ako eh he he he. tatanga-tanga minsan.
But of course, we are talking about movies here kaya syempre, may expectations ioka nga. So ngayon, im rooting for Walk The Line for best picture. Ok lang sa akin na manalo si Heith, Jake and Michelle. They are all great but overall, the movie itself, hindi ako solb.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
Love Story
Author's Note:
The first part of this story was published at IMAGE MAGAZINE last 2003.
IN DREAMS
In dreams, we come in full circle…
In dreams, nothing is impossible…
In dreams, love grows and withers…
In dreams, love goes on forever.
Dolores Liu
Born April 15, 1880
Died October 4, 1976
In dreams, we come in full circle…
In dreams, nothing is impossible…
In dreams, love grows and withers…
In dreams, love goes on forever.
Dolores Liu
Born April 15, 1880
Died October 4, 1976
It was past midnight when Paolo finished unpacking his belongings. “Not bad, not bad at all. This place would suit me fine. This old room would be conducive to my assignment. With this kind of environment, I think I could finish the painting in half the time.” The house where Paolo would be staying for the next six weeks was an old Spanish house in Vigan, Ilocos Sur. “This is perfect.” The beach was just around the corner of the house and the garden, although it looked like it has not been taken cared of for years, were perfect backdrops for his painting.
“I’ll start my painting tomorrow,” Paolo said to himself. Even the room looked old and very Spanish. The bed was still supported with four posts; the windows made up of capiz and the wall, composed of wood. What was so prominent in the room was the big old oval mirror that faced the door. About Paolo’s height, the full-length ornate mirror could reflect almost the whole content of the room. Too tired to change clothes, Paolo fell asleep immediately.
The house was very quiet. I do hope mama is asleep already. It has been three days since I last visited the garden…my garden. I missed these roses. Ahhhhhh, to smell their fragrance as they bloom is reward already for my three- day confinement. I don’t regret answering mama back. I don’t really like Arnulfo. If only I have someone to share this garden of mine. I don’t like to share this with Arnulfo, that small wrinkly Chinese my mama would like me to marry. I don’t like him. I wish papa was here. I am sure papa would not like his little girl married to a sickly looking Chinese.
Later this evening, as I was brushing my hair at the window overlooking the garden and preparing for sleep, I saw this stranger in the garden. He seemed so out of place and confused. But what is he doing in my garden? He shouldn’t be here! I had to go down the garden and confront the man. Who does he think he is?
“What are you doing here?” I asked the man.
“I think I am lost…” said the strange man.
“Obviously you are mister. Could you leave my garden? I don’t even know how you got here!”
The strange man was wearing an unfamiliar outfit. It was rather odd to see a man dressed so out of place here. He was probably in his twenties. Tall, mestiso and quite well built, I assumed he was a foreigner but not Spanish. All the Spaniards were leaving the area. If he was a Spaniard, the new kapitan would immediately arrest him. What with the war against Spain finally over, the Castillans didn’t have any reason to stay. But this stranger was mestizo…he might be one of the new breed of white people, the Amerikano. He was probably lost on his way to the plaza where most of his kind was staying. But he didn’t have the built of a soldier.
“Yes, I am lost miss, can you tell me where I am now?” asked the man.
“Aha! What are you doing wandering in the night, going into other people’s garden, and here you are asking me where you are right now? Well sir, for your information, you are in our garden, at calle de Caridad, where are you going?”
“In fact, am not sure miss. I don’t even know if I am supposed to be here.”
“You ARE not supposed to be here! This is MY private garden!”
I know I was being rude to the man, but I could not help it. What was more annoying was, I think he found me amusing! I see his smile playing at the corners of his lips and his eyes twinkling. Whatever. I am not going to fall for a stranger.
“Well, I think your garrison señor is a block from here. You could probably use the next street, calle de Soledad to take you to your base.”
“Base? No, I don’t belong to any base. Actually, I think I was drawn to this place because of the roses. It was a first for me to see more than a dozen roses abloom at the same time.”
“Well these are my roses. Thank you for noticing them. Now could you please leave before I call for help? You are tresspassing young man.”
“No, that is okay…”
And like a dream, when I was picking some roses for our altar, when I turned around, the stranger was not there anymore. Who was he? What did he want? Why did he leave so suddenly?
Paolo woke up with a start. What a very vivid dream. Immediately, he went to his art supplies and started setting up his canvas. I would like to capture that dream, that one very moment. Fleetingly, he smelled the scent of roses as he unfolded his canvas on his easel. But when he started to draw with his brush, all he made were strokes of dark blue against the very whiteness of the canvass. Frustrated that his dream left his consciousness so fast, he went to the window to smoke. It will come in good time.
Looking over from the window, he could see the beach around the bend beckoning to him to take a plunge and swim. Underneath the window was the garden run wild with weeds and grasses. I think this is the garden I dreamt about last night…am not sure though. Anyway, I have no time to speculate when I have so much more to do.
Paolo was reading a classic historical novel about the Spanish-American war in a rocking chair in front of the big ornate mirror in his room when sleep overtook him at around midnight. Probably, he was too tired from the whole day cleaning, arranging and looking around the house he could easily fall asleep.
He was here again early this evening. I don’t know what he wants! I was pruning my roses when, suddenly from nowhere, this strange man appeared around the corner. Come to think of it, he didn’t look that foreign to me now. With eyes as light as a young balsa wood and hair with light brown tint, it’s no wonder I mistaken him for an Amerikano… but when he approached me, he spoke in the dialect and I knew for sure, he is a native. Perhaps, he was one of the creoles. Mama wouldn’t let me out of the house and the only man she wanted me to see was Arnulfo. This is my opportunity, even if, mama had warned me not to talk to strangers but for once, I would talk to this man, although he is stranger to me. It was quite unnatural for me to talk to him and be with him tonight. But who cares?
“It’s you again. Don’t do that again, will you!”
“Do what?”
“Popping from out of the corner, scaring the chickens out of me!”
“Did I scare you?”
“Not you, the way you just appear…”
“You have very beautiful roses, almost but not quite, as beautiful as you.”
“You sure do knows how to make a woman blush don’t you?”
I felt myself blush then. Who was this man who came here all of a sudden? Who was this man that makes my pulse run wild and my heart beat faster? Mama would get angry at me if she saw me talking to a stranger. I turned to leave. I should not be here seen talking to a man. Was this how a Filipina should behave? I should never be kept alone with a man…much less a stranger.
“Wait…” he said, “Can’t I even know your name?”
“Why? I don’t know you. I think it would be more courteous if you introduced yourself first. And by the way, this is MY garden.”
“Okay, okay! I am Paolo. And you are?”
“Dolores.” Paolo was not sure who Dolores was but as he woke up, it was this name that kept on echoing in his mind. “Dolores? Now I am bothered.” Throughout his adult life, there had never been a time a woman’s name invaded his sleep. “I will not accomplish much if I stay here and muse about a girl’s name I haven’t really met.” Today was the day Paolo would be meeting the owner of the house to discuss his stay at the old Spanish mansion. “Maybe if I get to know the history of the house, I could come up with an inspiration.”
“Mrs. Liu? Thank you very much for letting me stay in this house.”
“No problem, hijo, just finish the painting my husband commissioned you to do…”
“Could you tell me something about this house madame?”
“Well, according to my husband, Danding, he inherited this house from his great-grandmother. His lola lived for a long time in this house. This was built for more than a hundred years ago and has withstood the wars that ravaged Vigan then.”
“Have you seen the garden hijo? It used to be the pride of the clan when Danding’s lola was still alive. Nobody’s garden could be compared to the roses that bloomed in this garden. Among all the houses here, this was the only one untouched by the Japanese when they burned this village.”
Later that afternoon, Paolo started making sketches for the commissioned painting. Mr. Liu would like to have a painting depicting the house in all its glory, probably set during the post-Spanish era but definitely not during the American occupation. According to Mrs. Liu, it was during that period, 1899, that the house was frequently flocked with so many admirers, natives and locals alike. The garden would be the centerpiece.
“What are you doing here?” I asked the man as I approached him sitting on a bench near the grotto. “You just don’t come here every night!”
“I am not sure Dolores, I am not sure. But every night, I felt drawn to this garden and hoping that I would see you. Every night I come here, and thank God, every night I see you.”
“Were you spying on me?”
“I am only here to admire you and look at you, nothing beyond that.”
‘But I don’t even know you…you are but a stranger to me.”
“I am a stranger in this place and time Dolores. But with you, I do not feel lost…”
“Paolo, you don’t know me…”
“That’s is why I am here, to know you. The first time I saw you, it’s as if I belong to you and you belong to me.”
Should I encourage him? There had never been a man in my life. For all my eighteen years of existence, my parents had kept me hidden. I could not even go out, I had no friends except perhaps my yaya. And now, I was arranged to get married to Arnulfo, the man I do not even know or care to know about. Finally, when I felt that I have no more hopes left, Paolo came into my life.
It had been a month since I first saw Paolo. My dream, my lover, my beloved. The nights I spent with you could last me a lifetime. Even if we just talked, even if we just meet for just a few hours every night. I look forward to seeing you Paolo every night. I want to be free with you Paolo, to see your world.
“Who is she?” That was the first question that came to Paolo’s mind. “Who was this girl that haunts my sleep?” Immediately from bed, as if guided by invisible hands, Paolo started drawing strokes on the canvas. After an hour of intense concentration, he was taken aback with the picture he had drawn. Long black hair nestling in an oval shaped face. Eyes the color of almonds, nose nicely shaped. Lips so red, hiding a trace of smile. A dimple on the left cheek, a small mole on the chin. Nicely shaped eyebrows, thick and long eyelashes. Who was this girl of my dream? Paolo had drawn a girl sitting on a bench near the grotto. The girl was dressed in an old-fashioned patadyong. She was wearing wooden shoes and was holding a bouquet of roses on her lap. She was smiling, as if posing for a camera. In her eyes, Paolo could see the happiness and hope for the girl. Who was she?
I have fallen in love with a man I barely knew. He comes to me every night like a dream. If only Paolo could save me from an unhappy future, but what is his power compared to fate?
“I will be married to Arnulfo this Sunday. I do not love him.”
“Where I go, you cannot follow…but in my heart, you will always be here.”
“But I am getting married this Sunday!”
“If only I could take you with me…if only we could be together. But even fate conspired against us.”
With a heavy heart I said goodbye to Paolo. I was not even sure if I am gong to see him again, perhaps. But before he left, he gave me one very important thing. He gave me a ring. He said that this ring would forever be our symbol of love. He gave me love and a chance to love truly.
Paolo woke up with a start. His heart beating wildly, his pulse running wild. He was drenched with sweat. As he fumbled for the light switch, he dragged himself upright. As the lights turned on, he looked at the mirror and felt his haggard face. What is it? I feel that something bad has happened. Looking at his hands, he was amazed not to find his college ring in his middle finger.
Today I died. I was married to Arnulfo, the man my mama wanted me to marry but I don’t love. Today my heart is taken from me. Is this how love must be?
Mr. Liu came that afternoon to check on the progress of Paolo. Paolo had set up his easel in the garden, near the grotto to get the full effect for his painting. Mr. Liu excitedly waited for Paolo to take off the white cloth that covers the painting. As he did so, Mr. Liu could not help but exclaim his surprise. The old Spanish house was painted brand new. The capiz windows were all new. The setting was early evening. Stars were just starting to come out and the moon was half full. The garden was the centerpiece of the house and was proudly drawn in bloom.
“Where did you get that? How did you get this painting done?”
“What do you mean Mr. Liu? Don’t you like it? What I painted was what you had in mind. I feel that I captured the spirit of the house.”
“You did hijo, you did. You captured the house in its golden age, you captured the garden in its bloom. But what amazes me, how did you able to draw my Lola Dolores?”
Dumbstruck, Paolo did not know how to answer. I just did.
“My Lola Dolores never looked so happy than I remember. I had never seen her really smile. I think she never loved my Lolo Arnulfo. They only had one child, my father. My father told me that the garden was my lola’s favorite part. She was always here taking care of the roses. That bench was my lola’s usual place. It is the place where she told me and my other brothers stories of the war. It was also the place where she chose to spend her last days here on earth.”
Mr. Liu had left the house with the painting. He was so amazed at what Paolo had done, right then and there, he commissioned him to do the portrait of him and his wife.
Paolo got back to his room and slowly sat down on the rocking chair in front of the oval mirror. But it was all a dream…it was never true. But as Paolo looked at the mirror, he remembered Mr. Liu last words before he left.
“According to my lola, this is where she found her true love, her life. She started living when she first met the man she loved, and here she died when her love left her. She never told us what happened, or why her love left her. For years, everyday, lola Dolores stayed here hoping that her man would come back. She really loved the guy, she was willing to leave my lolo for him, if ever he comes back. And you know, what my lola’s last words in this garden was?”
“What?” Paolo asked, fearing the words that would Mr. Liu would say next.
“Let me see, it was October 4, 1976 then. I could not really forget that day. Lola and I were here at this garden, just sitting on this bench. I was ten years old then. My lola was taking a nap, when suddenly, her eyes flew open and she sighed.”
“He’s here now. I can now rest in peace. My love has come back. I am happy now.”
“I don’t understand my lola, at 96, I think she was quite senile already. But that night, my lola died with a smile. It was the only time I saw her really happy.”
Paolo was at a loss. How could it be true, how could it happen? It was all a dream! October 4, 1976 was my birthday. How could it be me?
The next day, Paolo started packing. As he looked at the mirror, he saw his dreams played back. Was it really a dream? Slowly, he felt the mirror as if to test its authenticity. As if my magic, he was drawn by a vision.
Today, I don’t like to live…I have died when Paolo left me…but as long as I live, and forever, I vow that I will only love one man. This I swear. With this knife, I will draw my own blood and use it to sign this journal. I think I shall never write again…I hope someday, my scions will get to know what really happened. In this journal, I entrust my feelings and all the moments I shared with Paolo. When the right time comes, somebody in the future will get to know what happened. Somebody special will find this book behind this mirror.
As Paolo turned to leave, he heard a sudden clink of metal. There was his college ring under the oval mirror. It was his ring and yet it was not. It was as if the ring had aged one hundred years, tarnished with age but when he looked at the writings inside, his name was engraved in it, Paolo Cervantes. As he bent to retrieve the ring on the floor, he noticed that the oval mirror is not really fitted on the wall. Curios about it, he felt for the space between the oval mirror and the wall. In it, he felt leather. He took it out and realized it was a book. With a heart beating wildly, he slowly opened the book and read the first entry.
October 4, 1899
The house was very quiet. I do hope mama is asleep already. It has been three days since I last visited this garden…my garden. I missed these roses. Ahhhhhh, to smell their fragrance as they bloom is reward already for my three- day confinement. If only I have someone to share this garden of mine.
Paolo gently fondled his college ring and whispered a name, Dolores. But you have shared the garden with your one true love, Dolores. I will come back here Dolores and take care of your garden, our garden. Your past is my future. I will see to it that your love for me will not go to waste. It was never a dream Dolores, it was never a dream. Fate cheated us. She denied us time and space, but fate could not withhold our feelings for each other. You are my beloved, Dolores. Wait for me.
After hours of commuting from the Vigan house, Paolo immediately went to bed as soon as he got home. Thinking that he could leave behind the confusing experiences he had in Vigan, he slowly drifted off to sleep.
He was at the Liu’s mansion once again. He saw himself drifting towards the garden where the girl that haunted his dreams sat comfortably on the garden bench. The girl said, “You think you could easily get away from me? After finding you, I wouldn’t want my love to slip my grasp.” He knew that in the few weeks he stayed in that house, he loved the girl even if it was a fantasy, a dream. But this cryptic remark left him with a hope that their love would find fulfillment in this lifetime.
Jackie just arrived from the States after wrapping up a business deal for the family. She was excited, for the first time, she was going to have a luxurious and well-deserved vacation this time in her ancestral home in Vigan. She had been hearing so much about the rest house that she finally capitulated in agreeing to have a vacation there. More than that, she needed a rest from dreams plaguing her for the past weeks. In her dream, she was a witness to a love affair not meant to be.
As soon as she arrived at the mansion, she was surprised to see the house well treated. She was impressed that after all these years, the house was in great condition. She roamed the garden and was amazed with the abundance of roses abloom in the garden. With the many rooms in the house, Jackie chose the one overlooking the garden. The room was simply decorated and the only furniture aside from the four-posted bed was a full-length oval mirror. According to the caretaker, this was her great-grandmother’s room when she was a teenage girl. After unpacking her things and taking a hot shower, Jackie fell asleep.
She saw herself observing a scene between two people. She felt that although the couple was barely touching each other, they were intimately in love. She heard the woman say, “You think you could easily get away from me? After finding you, I wouldn’t want my love to slip my grasp.” She didn’t hear the reply of the guy because he suddenly vanished. She didn’t exactly see the man but as she looked at the woman intently, she was surprised to see herself.
Jackie woke up with a start. The dream was so vivid, she could even smell the roses. She went to the open window and look at the garden. Definitely, this house gives me the spooks! Maybe I should go back to Manila.
In Manila, her mom and dad were already preparing for a welcome back dinner. When they found out that Jackie would be returning in a few days time, they put no stops in preparing for the dinner party. Mr. and Mrs. Liu were of the singular agreement to invite Paolo, the artist they commissioned to do a painting of their house in Vigan.
Paolo was reluctant to accept the dinner invitation. Although it had been months since he finished the commissioned painting, he was unsurprised that the Liu’s invited him. He knew that Mr. and Mrs. Liu were very kind to include him in the invitation, but the truth was, he was still confused with what happened to him in Vigan. When he finished the commissioned painting, he was both glad and saddened with the outcome. He was glad that the Liu’s like the painting he did. He was not happy to leave the house, for even in dreams, he had a glimpsed on how loved must have felt.
As soon as Jackie arrived back in Manila, she went to the mall to do some shopping. I need a new dress for tonight’s dinner. While walking along the shopping mall, she happened to pass by an art gallery. She was mesmerized with the paintings exhibited there. Lush blooms of roses, roses and moonbeams, oddly enough, she somehow felt that the paintings were familiar, as if the every painting was bit a piece of a larger picture. She was so enamored with one of the paintings that she didn’t notice the man slowly approaching her.
Paolo just arrived at the art gallery where a couple of his most recent paintings were exhibited. His fellow artists, the curator and the gallery owner were quite surprised with the theme of his exhibit. Usually, Paolo painted people as subjects, but this time, most if not all of his paintings were of roses. Although Paolo deviated from his usual forte, his paintings were well received. In fact, a couple was already sold.
As he entered the gallery, he was caught unprepared to see a woman standing in front of one of his paintings. With long black hair almost brushing her waist, her slender build, she somehow resembled the woman of his dreams.
Feeling that someone is staring at her, Jackie turned and came face to face with the man she saw in her dream in her stay in Vigan. Mesmerized with each other, the two stared across each other as if they were the only people in the gallery.
“What are you doing here?” Paolo broke the silence.
“I’m here because I have to be here,” said Jackie. As if waking up from a dream, Jackie shook herself. “I saw the paintings, I was curious and decided to take a look.”
“I painted them.” Paolo said. I painted them with you as my inspiration, but how could you be here? You are just a figment of my dreams… and even if you are real, how could you look like the girl of my dreams?
“They’re really beautiful, but I have to go.” Jackie left the gallery with confused feelings. Paolo can only look after her.
The following night, the Lius celebrated Jackie’s successful trip abroad and her return from a well-deserved vacation in Vigan with dinner with some close relatives and friends. The couple noticed Jackie’s pre-occupation but shrugged it off. Knowing Jackie, they thought she might be itching to go back to work the following day.
The doorbell chimed announcing the arrival of another guest. Being nearer to the door, Jackie opened it. Standing at the other side of the door was no other than Paolo with a bouquet of red roses. Surprised, but deep in her heart, Jackie had been waiting for Paolo for the rest of her life. Seeing Paolo standing in front of her brought back the memories of her dream in Vigan.
Mesmerized, Paolo stood transfixed upon the vision of her dreams. When the Lius invited him to dinner, he accepted with reservation. The painting he did for the Lius was one of the best, if not the best commissioned painting he did. Now, his painting, his dreams all came alive in the flesh.
The situation was too much of a coincidence. Suddenly, from the inside, Jackie’s parents were ushering everyone to the living room for a surprise. Mr. Liu was holding a covered canvass.
‘Last month, while Jackie was in the States, I commissioned a painting of our old house in Vigan. My wife and I were fortunate that Paolo accommodated us to do this painting. Imagine our surprise when Paolo finished the painting in just under two weeks, what’s more, he also painted the likeness of my aguela so well. My daughter Jackie never met her great-grandmother. If she did, she would have met one of the most interesting people. More than that, she resembled my lola. So, in honor of my daughter’s successful trip abroad, we are presenting her with this painting. A painting of her lola that we believe, have they met, they are kindred spirits.”
As Mr. Liu took the cover off the canvass, everyone gasp as they saw the figure. A beautiful lady was depicted in the painting holding a bouquet of roses. As they turned towards Jackie, except for her modern clothes, she just looked exactly like the woman in the painting. Still holding Paolo’s bouquet of roses, she stepped forward to take a closer look at the painting. As she touched the canvass, a flitting memory kindled on her mind, the last words of her dreams. This is my legacy to you my child, a legacy of love. In your time, you will meet one person that is pure of heart. He is your soul mate. Love him, for he loves you already without knowing it.
Across the crowded room, her eyes locked with Paolo and knew that finally, love has come her way.
“I’ll start my painting tomorrow,” Paolo said to himself. Even the room looked old and very Spanish. The bed was still supported with four posts; the windows made up of capiz and the wall, composed of wood. What was so prominent in the room was the big old oval mirror that faced the door. About Paolo’s height, the full-length ornate mirror could reflect almost the whole content of the room. Too tired to change clothes, Paolo fell asleep immediately.
The house was very quiet. I do hope mama is asleep already. It has been three days since I last visited the garden…my garden. I missed these roses. Ahhhhhh, to smell their fragrance as they bloom is reward already for my three- day confinement. I don’t regret answering mama back. I don’t really like Arnulfo. If only I have someone to share this garden of mine. I don’t like to share this with Arnulfo, that small wrinkly Chinese my mama would like me to marry. I don’t like him. I wish papa was here. I am sure papa would not like his little girl married to a sickly looking Chinese.
Later this evening, as I was brushing my hair at the window overlooking the garden and preparing for sleep, I saw this stranger in the garden. He seemed so out of place and confused. But what is he doing in my garden? He shouldn’t be here! I had to go down the garden and confront the man. Who does he think he is?
“What are you doing here?” I asked the man.
“I think I am lost…” said the strange man.
“Obviously you are mister. Could you leave my garden? I don’t even know how you got here!”
The strange man was wearing an unfamiliar outfit. It was rather odd to see a man dressed so out of place here. He was probably in his twenties. Tall, mestiso and quite well built, I assumed he was a foreigner but not Spanish. All the Spaniards were leaving the area. If he was a Spaniard, the new kapitan would immediately arrest him. What with the war against Spain finally over, the Castillans didn’t have any reason to stay. But this stranger was mestizo…he might be one of the new breed of white people, the Amerikano. He was probably lost on his way to the plaza where most of his kind was staying. But he didn’t have the built of a soldier.
“Yes, I am lost miss, can you tell me where I am now?” asked the man.
“Aha! What are you doing wandering in the night, going into other people’s garden, and here you are asking me where you are right now? Well sir, for your information, you are in our garden, at calle de Caridad, where are you going?”
“In fact, am not sure miss. I don’t even know if I am supposed to be here.”
“You ARE not supposed to be here! This is MY private garden!”
I know I was being rude to the man, but I could not help it. What was more annoying was, I think he found me amusing! I see his smile playing at the corners of his lips and his eyes twinkling. Whatever. I am not going to fall for a stranger.
“Well, I think your garrison señor is a block from here. You could probably use the next street, calle de Soledad to take you to your base.”
“Base? No, I don’t belong to any base. Actually, I think I was drawn to this place because of the roses. It was a first for me to see more than a dozen roses abloom at the same time.”
“Well these are my roses. Thank you for noticing them. Now could you please leave before I call for help? You are tresspassing young man.”
“No, that is okay…”
And like a dream, when I was picking some roses for our altar, when I turned around, the stranger was not there anymore. Who was he? What did he want? Why did he leave so suddenly?
Paolo woke up with a start. What a very vivid dream. Immediately, he went to his art supplies and started setting up his canvas. I would like to capture that dream, that one very moment. Fleetingly, he smelled the scent of roses as he unfolded his canvas on his easel. But when he started to draw with his brush, all he made were strokes of dark blue against the very whiteness of the canvass. Frustrated that his dream left his consciousness so fast, he went to the window to smoke. It will come in good time.
Looking over from the window, he could see the beach around the bend beckoning to him to take a plunge and swim. Underneath the window was the garden run wild with weeds and grasses. I think this is the garden I dreamt about last night…am not sure though. Anyway, I have no time to speculate when I have so much more to do.
Paolo was reading a classic historical novel about the Spanish-American war in a rocking chair in front of the big ornate mirror in his room when sleep overtook him at around midnight. Probably, he was too tired from the whole day cleaning, arranging and looking around the house he could easily fall asleep.
He was here again early this evening. I don’t know what he wants! I was pruning my roses when, suddenly from nowhere, this strange man appeared around the corner. Come to think of it, he didn’t look that foreign to me now. With eyes as light as a young balsa wood and hair with light brown tint, it’s no wonder I mistaken him for an Amerikano… but when he approached me, he spoke in the dialect and I knew for sure, he is a native. Perhaps, he was one of the creoles. Mama wouldn’t let me out of the house and the only man she wanted me to see was Arnulfo. This is my opportunity, even if, mama had warned me not to talk to strangers but for once, I would talk to this man, although he is stranger to me. It was quite unnatural for me to talk to him and be with him tonight. But who cares?
“It’s you again. Don’t do that again, will you!”
“Do what?”
“Popping from out of the corner, scaring the chickens out of me!”
“Did I scare you?”
“Not you, the way you just appear…”
“You have very beautiful roses, almost but not quite, as beautiful as you.”
“You sure do knows how to make a woman blush don’t you?”
I felt myself blush then. Who was this man who came here all of a sudden? Who was this man that makes my pulse run wild and my heart beat faster? Mama would get angry at me if she saw me talking to a stranger. I turned to leave. I should not be here seen talking to a man. Was this how a Filipina should behave? I should never be kept alone with a man…much less a stranger.
“Wait…” he said, “Can’t I even know your name?”
“Why? I don’t know you. I think it would be more courteous if you introduced yourself first. And by the way, this is MY garden.”
“Okay, okay! I am Paolo. And you are?”
“Dolores.” Paolo was not sure who Dolores was but as he woke up, it was this name that kept on echoing in his mind. “Dolores? Now I am bothered.” Throughout his adult life, there had never been a time a woman’s name invaded his sleep. “I will not accomplish much if I stay here and muse about a girl’s name I haven’t really met.” Today was the day Paolo would be meeting the owner of the house to discuss his stay at the old Spanish mansion. “Maybe if I get to know the history of the house, I could come up with an inspiration.”
“Mrs. Liu? Thank you very much for letting me stay in this house.”
“No problem, hijo, just finish the painting my husband commissioned you to do…”
“Could you tell me something about this house madame?”
“Well, according to my husband, Danding, he inherited this house from his great-grandmother. His lola lived for a long time in this house. This was built for more than a hundred years ago and has withstood the wars that ravaged Vigan then.”
“Have you seen the garden hijo? It used to be the pride of the clan when Danding’s lola was still alive. Nobody’s garden could be compared to the roses that bloomed in this garden. Among all the houses here, this was the only one untouched by the Japanese when they burned this village.”
Later that afternoon, Paolo started making sketches for the commissioned painting. Mr. Liu would like to have a painting depicting the house in all its glory, probably set during the post-Spanish era but definitely not during the American occupation. According to Mrs. Liu, it was during that period, 1899, that the house was frequently flocked with so many admirers, natives and locals alike. The garden would be the centerpiece.
“What are you doing here?” I asked the man as I approached him sitting on a bench near the grotto. “You just don’t come here every night!”
“I am not sure Dolores, I am not sure. But every night, I felt drawn to this garden and hoping that I would see you. Every night I come here, and thank God, every night I see you.”
“Were you spying on me?”
“I am only here to admire you and look at you, nothing beyond that.”
‘But I don’t even know you…you are but a stranger to me.”
“I am a stranger in this place and time Dolores. But with you, I do not feel lost…”
“Paolo, you don’t know me…”
“That’s is why I am here, to know you. The first time I saw you, it’s as if I belong to you and you belong to me.”
Should I encourage him? There had never been a man in my life. For all my eighteen years of existence, my parents had kept me hidden. I could not even go out, I had no friends except perhaps my yaya. And now, I was arranged to get married to Arnulfo, the man I do not even know or care to know about. Finally, when I felt that I have no more hopes left, Paolo came into my life.
It had been a month since I first saw Paolo. My dream, my lover, my beloved. The nights I spent with you could last me a lifetime. Even if we just talked, even if we just meet for just a few hours every night. I look forward to seeing you Paolo every night. I want to be free with you Paolo, to see your world.
“Who is she?” That was the first question that came to Paolo’s mind. “Who was this girl that haunts my sleep?” Immediately from bed, as if guided by invisible hands, Paolo started drawing strokes on the canvas. After an hour of intense concentration, he was taken aback with the picture he had drawn. Long black hair nestling in an oval shaped face. Eyes the color of almonds, nose nicely shaped. Lips so red, hiding a trace of smile. A dimple on the left cheek, a small mole on the chin. Nicely shaped eyebrows, thick and long eyelashes. Who was this girl of my dream? Paolo had drawn a girl sitting on a bench near the grotto. The girl was dressed in an old-fashioned patadyong. She was wearing wooden shoes and was holding a bouquet of roses on her lap. She was smiling, as if posing for a camera. In her eyes, Paolo could see the happiness and hope for the girl. Who was she?
I have fallen in love with a man I barely knew. He comes to me every night like a dream. If only Paolo could save me from an unhappy future, but what is his power compared to fate?
“I will be married to Arnulfo this Sunday. I do not love him.”
“Where I go, you cannot follow…but in my heart, you will always be here.”
“But I am getting married this Sunday!”
“If only I could take you with me…if only we could be together. But even fate conspired against us.”
With a heavy heart I said goodbye to Paolo. I was not even sure if I am gong to see him again, perhaps. But before he left, he gave me one very important thing. He gave me a ring. He said that this ring would forever be our symbol of love. He gave me love and a chance to love truly.
Paolo woke up with a start. His heart beating wildly, his pulse running wild. He was drenched with sweat. As he fumbled for the light switch, he dragged himself upright. As the lights turned on, he looked at the mirror and felt his haggard face. What is it? I feel that something bad has happened. Looking at his hands, he was amazed not to find his college ring in his middle finger.
Today I died. I was married to Arnulfo, the man my mama wanted me to marry but I don’t love. Today my heart is taken from me. Is this how love must be?
Mr. Liu came that afternoon to check on the progress of Paolo. Paolo had set up his easel in the garden, near the grotto to get the full effect for his painting. Mr. Liu excitedly waited for Paolo to take off the white cloth that covers the painting. As he did so, Mr. Liu could not help but exclaim his surprise. The old Spanish house was painted brand new. The capiz windows were all new. The setting was early evening. Stars were just starting to come out and the moon was half full. The garden was the centerpiece of the house and was proudly drawn in bloom.
“Where did you get that? How did you get this painting done?”
“What do you mean Mr. Liu? Don’t you like it? What I painted was what you had in mind. I feel that I captured the spirit of the house.”
“You did hijo, you did. You captured the house in its golden age, you captured the garden in its bloom. But what amazes me, how did you able to draw my Lola Dolores?”
Dumbstruck, Paolo did not know how to answer. I just did.
“My Lola Dolores never looked so happy than I remember. I had never seen her really smile. I think she never loved my Lolo Arnulfo. They only had one child, my father. My father told me that the garden was my lola’s favorite part. She was always here taking care of the roses. That bench was my lola’s usual place. It is the place where she told me and my other brothers stories of the war. It was also the place where she chose to spend her last days here on earth.”
Mr. Liu had left the house with the painting. He was so amazed at what Paolo had done, right then and there, he commissioned him to do the portrait of him and his wife.
Paolo got back to his room and slowly sat down on the rocking chair in front of the oval mirror. But it was all a dream…it was never true. But as Paolo looked at the mirror, he remembered Mr. Liu last words before he left.
“According to my lola, this is where she found her true love, her life. She started living when she first met the man she loved, and here she died when her love left her. She never told us what happened, or why her love left her. For years, everyday, lola Dolores stayed here hoping that her man would come back. She really loved the guy, she was willing to leave my lolo for him, if ever he comes back. And you know, what my lola’s last words in this garden was?”
“What?” Paolo asked, fearing the words that would Mr. Liu would say next.
“Let me see, it was October 4, 1976 then. I could not really forget that day. Lola and I were here at this garden, just sitting on this bench. I was ten years old then. My lola was taking a nap, when suddenly, her eyes flew open and she sighed.”
“He’s here now. I can now rest in peace. My love has come back. I am happy now.”
“I don’t understand my lola, at 96, I think she was quite senile already. But that night, my lola died with a smile. It was the only time I saw her really happy.”
Paolo was at a loss. How could it be true, how could it happen? It was all a dream! October 4, 1976 was my birthday. How could it be me?
The next day, Paolo started packing. As he looked at the mirror, he saw his dreams played back. Was it really a dream? Slowly, he felt the mirror as if to test its authenticity. As if my magic, he was drawn by a vision.
Today, I don’t like to live…I have died when Paolo left me…but as long as I live, and forever, I vow that I will only love one man. This I swear. With this knife, I will draw my own blood and use it to sign this journal. I think I shall never write again…I hope someday, my scions will get to know what really happened. In this journal, I entrust my feelings and all the moments I shared with Paolo. When the right time comes, somebody in the future will get to know what happened. Somebody special will find this book behind this mirror.
As Paolo turned to leave, he heard a sudden clink of metal. There was his college ring under the oval mirror. It was his ring and yet it was not. It was as if the ring had aged one hundred years, tarnished with age but when he looked at the writings inside, his name was engraved in it, Paolo Cervantes. As he bent to retrieve the ring on the floor, he noticed that the oval mirror is not really fitted on the wall. Curios about it, he felt for the space between the oval mirror and the wall. In it, he felt leather. He took it out and realized it was a book. With a heart beating wildly, he slowly opened the book and read the first entry.
October 4, 1899
The house was very quiet. I do hope mama is asleep already. It has been three days since I last visited this garden…my garden. I missed these roses. Ahhhhhh, to smell their fragrance as they bloom is reward already for my three- day confinement. If only I have someone to share this garden of mine.
Paolo gently fondled his college ring and whispered a name, Dolores. But you have shared the garden with your one true love, Dolores. I will come back here Dolores and take care of your garden, our garden. Your past is my future. I will see to it that your love for me will not go to waste. It was never a dream Dolores, it was never a dream. Fate cheated us. She denied us time and space, but fate could not withhold our feelings for each other. You are my beloved, Dolores. Wait for me.
After hours of commuting from the Vigan house, Paolo immediately went to bed as soon as he got home. Thinking that he could leave behind the confusing experiences he had in Vigan, he slowly drifted off to sleep.
He was at the Liu’s mansion once again. He saw himself drifting towards the garden where the girl that haunted his dreams sat comfortably on the garden bench. The girl said, “You think you could easily get away from me? After finding you, I wouldn’t want my love to slip my grasp.” He knew that in the few weeks he stayed in that house, he loved the girl even if it was a fantasy, a dream. But this cryptic remark left him with a hope that their love would find fulfillment in this lifetime.
Jackie just arrived from the States after wrapping up a business deal for the family. She was excited, for the first time, she was going to have a luxurious and well-deserved vacation this time in her ancestral home in Vigan. She had been hearing so much about the rest house that she finally capitulated in agreeing to have a vacation there. More than that, she needed a rest from dreams plaguing her for the past weeks. In her dream, she was a witness to a love affair not meant to be.
As soon as she arrived at the mansion, she was surprised to see the house well treated. She was impressed that after all these years, the house was in great condition. She roamed the garden and was amazed with the abundance of roses abloom in the garden. With the many rooms in the house, Jackie chose the one overlooking the garden. The room was simply decorated and the only furniture aside from the four-posted bed was a full-length oval mirror. According to the caretaker, this was her great-grandmother’s room when she was a teenage girl. After unpacking her things and taking a hot shower, Jackie fell asleep.
She saw herself observing a scene between two people. She felt that although the couple was barely touching each other, they were intimately in love. She heard the woman say, “You think you could easily get away from me? After finding you, I wouldn’t want my love to slip my grasp.” She didn’t hear the reply of the guy because he suddenly vanished. She didn’t exactly see the man but as she looked at the woman intently, she was surprised to see herself.
Jackie woke up with a start. The dream was so vivid, she could even smell the roses. She went to the open window and look at the garden. Definitely, this house gives me the spooks! Maybe I should go back to Manila.
In Manila, her mom and dad were already preparing for a welcome back dinner. When they found out that Jackie would be returning in a few days time, they put no stops in preparing for the dinner party. Mr. and Mrs. Liu were of the singular agreement to invite Paolo, the artist they commissioned to do a painting of their house in Vigan.
Paolo was reluctant to accept the dinner invitation. Although it had been months since he finished the commissioned painting, he was unsurprised that the Liu’s invited him. He knew that Mr. and Mrs. Liu were very kind to include him in the invitation, but the truth was, he was still confused with what happened to him in Vigan. When he finished the commissioned painting, he was both glad and saddened with the outcome. He was glad that the Liu’s like the painting he did. He was not happy to leave the house, for even in dreams, he had a glimpsed on how loved must have felt.
As soon as Jackie arrived back in Manila, she went to the mall to do some shopping. I need a new dress for tonight’s dinner. While walking along the shopping mall, she happened to pass by an art gallery. She was mesmerized with the paintings exhibited there. Lush blooms of roses, roses and moonbeams, oddly enough, she somehow felt that the paintings were familiar, as if the every painting was bit a piece of a larger picture. She was so enamored with one of the paintings that she didn’t notice the man slowly approaching her.
Paolo just arrived at the art gallery where a couple of his most recent paintings were exhibited. His fellow artists, the curator and the gallery owner were quite surprised with the theme of his exhibit. Usually, Paolo painted people as subjects, but this time, most if not all of his paintings were of roses. Although Paolo deviated from his usual forte, his paintings were well received. In fact, a couple was already sold.
As he entered the gallery, he was caught unprepared to see a woman standing in front of one of his paintings. With long black hair almost brushing her waist, her slender build, she somehow resembled the woman of his dreams.
Feeling that someone is staring at her, Jackie turned and came face to face with the man she saw in her dream in her stay in Vigan. Mesmerized with each other, the two stared across each other as if they were the only people in the gallery.
“What are you doing here?” Paolo broke the silence.
“I’m here because I have to be here,” said Jackie. As if waking up from a dream, Jackie shook herself. “I saw the paintings, I was curious and decided to take a look.”
“I painted them.” Paolo said. I painted them with you as my inspiration, but how could you be here? You are just a figment of my dreams… and even if you are real, how could you look like the girl of my dreams?
“They’re really beautiful, but I have to go.” Jackie left the gallery with confused feelings. Paolo can only look after her.
The following night, the Lius celebrated Jackie’s successful trip abroad and her return from a well-deserved vacation in Vigan with dinner with some close relatives and friends. The couple noticed Jackie’s pre-occupation but shrugged it off. Knowing Jackie, they thought she might be itching to go back to work the following day.
The doorbell chimed announcing the arrival of another guest. Being nearer to the door, Jackie opened it. Standing at the other side of the door was no other than Paolo with a bouquet of red roses. Surprised, but deep in her heart, Jackie had been waiting for Paolo for the rest of her life. Seeing Paolo standing in front of her brought back the memories of her dream in Vigan.
Mesmerized, Paolo stood transfixed upon the vision of her dreams. When the Lius invited him to dinner, he accepted with reservation. The painting he did for the Lius was one of the best, if not the best commissioned painting he did. Now, his painting, his dreams all came alive in the flesh.
The situation was too much of a coincidence. Suddenly, from the inside, Jackie’s parents were ushering everyone to the living room for a surprise. Mr. Liu was holding a covered canvass.
‘Last month, while Jackie was in the States, I commissioned a painting of our old house in Vigan. My wife and I were fortunate that Paolo accommodated us to do this painting. Imagine our surprise when Paolo finished the painting in just under two weeks, what’s more, he also painted the likeness of my aguela so well. My daughter Jackie never met her great-grandmother. If she did, she would have met one of the most interesting people. More than that, she resembled my lola. So, in honor of my daughter’s successful trip abroad, we are presenting her with this painting. A painting of her lola that we believe, have they met, they are kindred spirits.”
As Mr. Liu took the cover off the canvass, everyone gasp as they saw the figure. A beautiful lady was depicted in the painting holding a bouquet of roses. As they turned towards Jackie, except for her modern clothes, she just looked exactly like the woman in the painting. Still holding Paolo’s bouquet of roses, she stepped forward to take a closer look at the painting. As she touched the canvass, a flitting memory kindled on her mind, the last words of her dreams. This is my legacy to you my child, a legacy of love. In your time, you will meet one person that is pure of heart. He is your soul mate. Love him, for he loves you already without knowing it.
Across the crowded room, her eyes locked with Paolo and knew that finally, love has come her way.
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